June 1

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 1: “Humility is the nearly impossible task of being more concerned with our own sins that we are with the sins of others.” ― Trevor Hammack

My experience with addiction and ego have taught me that one of the most frequent symptoms is being exquisitely and horribly self-centered, with all focus on what others are doing and how it affects ME. This is the crux of the “ism” in my book.

Humility allows me to recognize that others are not doing ANYTHING to “make me feel” something. I feel things based on my view of what others do. To believe that it is directed at ME is the epitome of being self-centered. Even therapists will teach clients to say things like, “when you do this, I feel that.” It is great that we are no longer doing this. It is extreme dependence on the opinions and beliefs of someone else to fuel our self-worth or self-esteem.

This is a singularly selfish and egoic way of viewing our relationships with others. They are not doing what they do “at” or “to” us. They are simply doing what they do, most often with little or no thoughts of you at all.

To step away from this view is the beginning of humility. Most of us get to this at the onset of working our way through the steps. I had an experience in my first couple of months that gave me this sense of the shift in my consciousness. Some never get this.

They continue to make others responsible for their feelings and what they do in response. Never understanding that these feelings are only “caused” by their belief that everyone is “doing” things AT or TO them. Not looking at what part they play. Back to Step 4 for that shit.

What gave me a sense of humility in my early years of recovery was working in treatment and seeing the entitlement and the obnoxiousness of newcomers who believed that others were living solely for THEM. It is very uncomfortable to continue this behavior and see how we look when we are so sick and into self.

Working through Step 6 and becoming ready to have these things removed is an awesome experience in practicing the beginning of humility. Many believe that Step 7 is the step of humility. The reason I talk about it in Step 6 is because we have to HUMBLY ask that our character defects be removed. I believe we have to gain this humility before we can work Step 7.

Ego loves to constantly compare myself to others to see where I am. That is ALL ego! When I do that, I begin to justify and excuse my own behaviors because other addicts are doing the same, or worse things. There is NO comparison with others that has anything to do with recovery!

The only thing I need to do each day is remind SELF that I am without SELF if I want to remain on the path to a spiritual experience. That means I focus my fine mind and attention on what the _____ I am up to and stop looking at others completely.

Anyone’s sins have nothing to do with me. None of my damned business! As addicts, we attach ourselves to others’ behavior like it has something to do with us. We can always make up a story of how it affects ME, via some crazy thinking. What ANYONE else does has NOTHING to do with me.

My ONLY business is to walk a spiritual road. Who is on the road with me is completely out of my hands, out of my control. Many will say they want to walk that road, few will make the journey. They might start and stick around for a few years, but will almost always fall away at some point because they are just not willing to do what needs to be done.

This is not the best news, but it IS the absolute truth. We are each here to walk our own road and that can mean that there are times when we walk alone, walk away, or open the path to new companions. It is never going to be a static journey, with all the same people all of the time. That has been my experience and my truth. It is a beautiful journey, but my eyes must stay on my road and my way of walking.