May 31

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 31: “Your words will either give you joy or give you sorrow, but if they were spoken without regret, they give you peace.” ― Shannon L. Alder

I have spoken with haste or in the moment of feeling (and believing) that someone else controlled how I was feeling in that moment.

This is such a horrible way to live! It is so ugly and destructive to relationships that have been precious to me.

I believe we all have this tendency. Ego tells us that someone is doing what they do AT us or to get back at us, so many stories about why others do what they do. We believe we can control them if we let them know they are displeasing us.

SO self-centered and controlling! Yikes! This kind of perception destroys healthy communication and relationships. We cannot be in relationship with another when we are this self-centered. We are not available for relationship or recovery at all!

I am a communicator. I must be wise with the words I use. This is not my easiest task. I love the writing I do. Sometimes I must work carefully to communicate what I need and want to say. I have learned I must not start out with telling anyone what they are doing to displease me.

So, this is a process. It has been a slow one, for me. I must learn to use words that convey what I want to say. That will leave me with a feeling of joy most of the time. This is because I mean what I say. That joy is the feeling of honoring myself, no matter what the other person believes about my words.

I do not need to defend or fight with another when I honor myself. Many who are not used to speaking their truth do this. They use ego defenses and passive-aggressive means to communicate. Toxic shit right there!

I have had to learn, slowly, over a long time, that I must speak carefully and ponder what I mean to say. And it will seldom contain the word “you.” Important, that.

And peace belongs to me, because my heart is light when I let go of something that is weighing heavily on my heart. I lighten my load.

This is something I get to do a lot of. I am a strong woman. I have walked a lot of roads. I have learned to recover and am fierce in my recovery. So many people believe they can do the same thing if they hang out with me or talk with me or associate themselves with me.

It will not work that way. It is all about the work. You may not need to do the things I have done here. That is okay. That is your path. But without walking through what I have walked through, you cannot go where I have gone.

It will never be what we talk about, only what we DO. That, of course, is what Integrity is all about. And, today, I have deep peace. This is a lovely thing!