May 29

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 29:

The person of superior integrity

does not insist upon his integrity.

For this reason, he has integrity.

The person of inferior integrity

never loses sight of his integrity;

For this reason, he lacks integrity.” ― Lao Tzu

When we first begin to walk with integrity, we are very aware of all the ways we are newly practicing this concept, this spiritual principle. As time goes on, this becomes a comfortable and dynamic part of our daily being.

Just as we grow into a comfortable personality, develop spiritual muscles that take us through this life with a sense of doing what is right in each situation and letting go of selfish and self-centered motivation, integrity becomes a way of life.

That may not be the case at first, at least it wasn’t for me.

The first time I was aware of practicing honesty, I was floored by the actions I took and how that unfolded for me in that day. The synchronistic effects were profound! It taught me to continue to walk a path of being who I said I was… an addict and alcoholic with recovery.

If I claim it, I must walk it, or I do NOT have integrity. I cannot BE something I do not DO.

Step 5, for me, is exactly what the BB tells me it is, a bridge I cross into a new way of life. I look at all the things I believe and have done. Are they any good? NO! So, I sort through and throw away all that does not feel or look like a recovering life and move past that into a new paradigm.

If I only throw all that shit onto the floor and refuse to throw it away, I am living in relapse, not recovery. We know what this looks like, it happens all the time. Some of us have lived like this until the pain of it takes us to drugs and alcohol or back to the steps, on our knees.

It is like we look at all the “stuff”, the stories, the behavior, the old ideas and decide we don’t want it any longer. So, we bag it up and carry it out to the curb. As we walk away, Screaming Purple Monkeys start telling us, “well, maybe that was a harsh thing to do. Perhaps some of that stuff is still good and I can use it for something one day.”

Some of us know the insanity of this thinking. We walk away. Some of us will think about it awhile and go back out and grab the bag of shit and bring it back into our lives and keep it. We take it out and play with it from time to time; just to make sure it is still there.

We may pick up some of these behaviors, attitudes, ideas and stories and let them run the show for a while. If we are truly desiring recovery more than relapse, we bag them up and let them go, because they do not bring joy or happiness.

That pain is intense. Many will never get past that pain, because they cannot let go of who they believe themselves to be and that there is a different way to live. It has NOTHING to do with drugs and alcohol. It has EVERYTHING to do with embracing the new way of living that is recovery.

“We stood at the turning point…” and leaving the shit on the curb sounds like a great idea to me!