INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 25: “Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.” ― Barbara De Angelis
We often sell ourselves a bill of goods by believing it is our responsibility to give others what they want from us. Sometimes we can do it, sometimes we cannot.
If we are really codependent (Yes!), we believe we need to take care of others’ needs before our own. I have done this for most of my life. I was conditioned to do this by my culture, my religious training, my family, and in many other ways. It has taken a great deal of time and recovery to see where I end and you begin.
I often say or do things that I need to retract or rescind. My ego believes that I am a super-human-being, whose capabilities and strengths far outweigh the truth. OH! And I put on my cape and go zooming around this life, with the old theme from “Superman” playing in my head…or something like that. Yikes! I had to back away from something I thought I could do this morning. Why? Because I felt myself dreading my life. Oh!
Screaming Purple Monkeys LOVE to say how “busy” I am…all ego! It is just an excuse for not being in the present moment. When I get overwhelmed because I say Yes too often, it is time to put my “okey-doke” back into retirement.
There is a certain amount of satisfaction (all ego!) to being busy. It makes us feel important, wanted, popular, and all of those things. However, it is not a spiritual state. It is ALL ego! I work really hard to not say that I am “busy”, because what I hear when others say it to me is that they do not know how to say NO.
If I cannot tell you NO when I need to, that is my ego and codependence. I am afraid you won’t like me. If that is true, then you don’t like me anyway. I have learned that on a deep level. And I know it is true and valid. SO, if you don’t like me, why am I worried about displeasing you? At my own expense? Oh!
It is manipulative to use the excuse of “being busy” when you ask me for something. The answer is supposed to be NO.
If you and I cannot move past an occasional disappointment, then we are not going to move past anything anyway. This much I know.
And if I am so “busy”, I am saying Yes to other things that were a priority when I said that I would do them. Trying to cram it all into my life to satisfy everyone is people pleasing, and, again, codependent. Ugh! This is stuff I must look at when I do that 4th and 5th Step.
I need to find balance and comfort in my life in order for my recovery to be happy, joyous and free. If I don’t, I am not practicing these principles in all my affairs. Today, I must take care of the priorities and that will take care of me. If they are out of whack and I find myself “too busy”, I need to back up, regroup, and do less.
I want to leave openings for those things that are spontaneous and fun and feed my spirit. Most of life is spontaneous and fun. However, there are responsibilities and commitments that are also part of life. So, I must find the balance between the two. This is the dance of recovery!
Dolphin Hug 