May 23

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 23: “Don’t assume, ask. Be kind. Tell the truth. Don’t say anything you can’t stand behind fully. Have integrity. Tell people how you feel.” ― Warsan Shire

There have been many people in my life whose integrity was not present in our relationship. I learned to play the games that are required under those conditions. And they are, in truth, games.

This leads to a sense of futility, resentment, and insecurity. If I do not know that you are who you say you are, I am left with a guessing game of how to interact with you. I am not good at this and get quite angry when you cannot be bothered to tell me your truth.

If you don’t know your truth, then let’s call it a day. I have no space in my life for that. If you want me to tell you your truth, you are certainly barking up the wrong tree. I have no idea! And no desire to figure it out for you. My life is full and busy with those people who are also integral and can develop relationships based on our truths.

When our truth changes, which life creates many opportunities for, we work to build the bridge back into the space life leaves open in that shift.

Most addicts cannot tell me how they feel. They tell me what they think. That is ego. And most of the time, lonely is the deepest they can go. Of course you are lonely! You have abandoned yourself and are waiting for someone else to take care of your needs. Yikes!

That is not going to create any kind of integrity or honor for anyone. We can have these needy relationships with others, and we will quickly get sick of that person, because they are bleeding all over the floor and waiting for us to apply the band aid.

I am not here to give you integrity…it is an inside job. Step 5 allows me the dignity of finding out who and what I truly am. Then I can share that with the world around me, this is how we create relationships. If I am not thorough and honest with my work, then I am not going to get to that truth.

Most people take a while to know who they are NOW, versus who they were THEN. It is not of any use to tell me who you used to be. I already know. A selfish, self-centered, frightened, arrogant addict. Okay, so what?

We can only know the truth when we learn to allow it to come into our lives and stop trying to hide behind who we WERE. There is no basis for relationship with who you WERE, only who is showing up NOW.

We have to let go of the stories and move into LIFE. That is what we are here to do with these steps. I love the process! That is why I write about what we can achieve when we are thorough and honest from the very start.

If you have been less than integral with this work, do it again! And again, and again! Until your ego (Screaming Purple Monkeys!) is gone. Quit letting them run your life and wondering why it feels lonely. They are only going to continue to isolate you and tell you that you are different, special, unique, whatever. Get over it!

And rather than telling people how you feel, tell yourself the truth. Today, all day; and every day after that. Eventually, you will be telling the truth to others too. Then you can walk it. But first, you need to stop talking and get to work! Woohoo! This is good shit!