May 18

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 18: “It is easy to live for others, everybody does. I call on you to live for yourself.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

What happens when I live only for ME? Well, it may seem, to those of us with programming to suggest it, that we are being selfish.

I see it quite differently today. When I lived for others, I was always miserable. I did things that did not feed my spirit. I never knew who was most important to please, so spun in circles, becoming increasingly irritated, angry and resentful. See, living for others means I am running around trying to please people who are never going to be satisfied. And, if the only reward is to satisfy someone else, neither will I be so.

I can ONLY be my best ME if I am living in close proximity to my heart center, walking through this world as ME. Authentic and true to me. I love that on our chips in AA we have the saying “To thine own self be true.” That is the spiritual path we are here to walk! There is no one else to please.

Some of us are trying to please God, whomever or whatever we conceive that entity to be. Impossible! For so many reasons!!! First of all, there is no one of us who knows what that means. We may have dogma from religious indoctrination and judgments about who or what is right and wrong. This is never going to please God.

Secondly, all of this dogma is preached and interpreted by people, so we may, again, please some of them, but never EVER will we be living for God.

Our only hope is to develop such a strong relationship with SELF that we know what is right and wrong for us!  That means I am living for ME. Okay, I get that.

When I live fully and completely into my most authentic self, others who TRULY love me are thrilled, because I am happy. They may not like everything about how my life is going, but they know I am happy. True love means they are either with me or they are not.

If they are not, they don’t truly love ME, but who and what they think they can shape me into. I am NOT a fixer-upper! I am NOT here to live into YOUR thoughts of who I must be to please you. And it has taken a lot of trips through 1-12 for me to get this. It has taken a lot of work in Alanon for me to let you go and be who YOU need to be, with all of your expectations, demands, needs, etc. I am NOT here to live those out for you.

As I let all of that shit go, the Power of the Universe has come into my life more and more strongly. I have a great and deep relationship with that Entity today that I could not find without this recovery stuff. I sit comfortably with that and trust it and actually KNOW what is right and wrong for ME today. I do NOT know for you. I can only steer you back to the source.

The source is that quiet heart that is NOT engaged with ego. That is NOT engaged with the world around it, running hither and yon, going here and there to make shit happen. It is sitting still and knowing what can and does work for Me. And then I am able to engage myself spiritually with all that is around me. It is wonderful and amazing. I am so grateful.

I am glad for Ralph Waldo Emerson. He is a guru of sorts for me. He is like several others who wrote beautifully about the world around them, the natural order of things and how imbued life is with the Creative Spirit of all Creation. That is how I find these things…at the beach, in the sky, in a flower, watching a hummingbird. The perfect order of all of that makes sense. The world around me is wonderful if I focus on what Creator made and not what man has. I love this shit more every day!