May 14

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 14: “But there are times in this harum-scarum world when figuring out the right thing to do is quite simple, but doing the right thing is simply impossible….” ― Lemony Snicket

We all know what is right and wrong. It lives inside us. We call it conscience. There is a possibility where some folks have been abused to the extent that they live outside their conscience.

Addicts may have that, along with the ability to cover their conscience and ignore it with drugs and alcohol. Ego may scream louder than the quiet voice of right and wrong we all have. That is why I call my ego Screaming Purple Monkey. There is an echo that makes SPM sound like a whole herd of monkeys sometimes.

Important to note that there is nothing good about listening to that chatter, that screaming. If we choose to listen and heed that instead of our still, inner voice, we are going to live with the consequences of that. Many of us have done this, over and over again.

In Steps 4 and 5, we get to see how this manifests for us in our lives and the things that have gone off the cliff for us. We are angry and resentful, fearful and inconsiderate, selfish and rude because of the stories we are hearing from the SPM.

Living into Integrity means I MUST shut down the SPM and quit listening to what they have to say. I can stop the behavior that is based on the story(S) they tell. Being aware of the stories is the purpose behind Steps 4 and 5.

I write about the stories and how I feel about them. Then I get to see where I may have played a part. I talk to a trusted advisor about these stories and THEN I get to reframe them. Not everyone understands this part.

For me, the most important thing I can do is see the truth about what I believe and how I hold on to the stories. Quite often, I never get past the judgment that someone else is wrong or sick. This is one part of the BB that I would like to disagree with.

It is NONE of my business to determine that someone else is wrong or sick. NONE! What I really need to do is let go of my judgment of who they are and what they do. As long as I hold onto that story, I am doomed to blame someone else for my life and my behaviors and attitude.

I really MUST be willing to be free of all judgment about others. I have no part in what they do, when they do it, or how it unfolds. I do NOT need to forgive others. That, to me, is an arrogant proposition. I really need to make peace with them being them, doing what they do, and let it go. This is the kind of radical acceptance that I need to find.

Life is life, people are people. I am conditioned to believe certain things. The journey of recovery is to change my mind…about ALL of it. Dr. Paul O’s writing about Acceptance talks to me more than any other part of the book. If the entire Universe is perfect at all times, then everything that ever wounded my baby feelings was also perfect.

What is NOT perfect is my story about it. That needs to change or I will never live comfortably in this world or any other. If I believe that others are in error, that makes them wrong. There is no wrong…only my determination of it being so. All things, all times, all events, all people are perfectly being and doing and behaving according to Divine wisdom.

To stop living in the ego of judgment and condemnation, I must learn to be free of all of these stories. It is a tall order, as the quote says “IMPOSSIBLE!” Until I get to a place of opening and spaciousness and allowing it all to BE AS IT IS. Now, the challenge is to stay there. Peace!