May 11

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 11: “Each of us is an artist of our days; the greater our integrity and awareness, the more original and creative our time will become.” ― John O’Donohue

I have the life today that I used to hope for. I did not know it would be brought about by the crazy path I have been on, but it was.

We create our lives. We live with whatever demons and monsters we create. Most of them are living in our minds, but we allow them to inhabit our world. We choose absolutely everything going on in our days. I did not understand this for a very long time.

Today I can see this quite clearly. Retrospect is wonderful as I get older…there is A LOT of it. And I get to choose more wisely those things that I want to bring into my days. I get to choose people and situations and other amazing aspects of my life and time.

I am surprised by the creative life I lead. I did not know I could be involved in so much solution so often. It has come to pass in ways that really surprise me quite often. I feel stuck and then I see an opening. This is so quick sometimes I doubt that it wasn’t there all along.

We have dreams because they are the road map of our spirit. I truly have always believed that what we dream about are those things that feed our souls. If this is the case, then we are going to bring them into our lives, for whatever purpose they serve.

I have had great dreams and been so surprised when they manifest in fascinating ways. The real interesting piece is how the growth they bring comes into play. Some of it does not feel quite as joyous as I would have imagined. That is quite often the case, actually!

Nevertheless, we create our lives. Not in the way some of the more popular “gurus” talk about. But in the quiet, unassuming ways that the Universe works through and with us to bring our greatest healing and journeys into fruition. It is amazing and wonderful.

I do not always “think” in integral ways. I am surprised and saddened by how often fearful thoughts and ideas come to me. The Screaming Purple Monkeys (SPM) are alive and well. They have the most insidious voices! It is very sad sometimes when I am contemplating something how they turn up and get really loud. What am I afraid of? That is always my question for them.

And I find that I have a desire or a dream I am too attached to. That I am beginning to “think” I am not going to be satisfied in some crazy way…usually financial…sometimes emotional. And I look at what I am believing about that or demanding I must have. OH! There it is!

And I get to laugh and open a new space for that idea or desire. It is not necessary, most of the time. I can let it go or let it come any other way than the one my brain is focused on. And a creative solution often comes within a very short time to let me know that the SPM were wrong again! Yay! Or, if I am patient and wait for the solution, I get an opportunity sometimes to do some more healing work on the deeply held belief.

Perhaps my fear is founded in an old way of believing. Is there more to know? Yes? Okay, here we go…into the old way of thinking. AHA! Now I have some writing and meditating and sharing to do. It is the same every time…. Steps 4 and 5. And a return to peace. I love this shit!