INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 3: “A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.” – Buddhist quote
This quote made me laugh. I knew I had to use it this month, because it made me laugh and it was such a great concept.
A barking dog always reminds me of my dog Lefty, who barked a LOT. He did not foster good neighbor relations. He was such a wonderful dog, but his barking was not an asset. I learned a lot from Pancho and Lefty. They were great teachers.
I have always been a talker. I told stories as soon as I could talk, probably in the womb. I don’t know, I don’t remember. In those early days, I can easily identify my needy nature. There is a great deal of wisdom today that was not available in the 1950s about adopted children and children born in hospitals as well.
My stories got more interesting as I grew older and found that some kinds of stories generated attention, while others just irritated people. I began to talk to strangers or acquaintances about what was happening to me at home and in the world. I did not understand that it was not appreciated by my mother and father.
There was no place for these stories in those times. No CPS, no one wanted to hear them, because there was nothing to be done. Parents had complete say about children, no matter how badly they were handing things. But I still told my stories.
As I began to practice addiction and all its fine ways, I began to lie more often and the stories sometimes became epic! (Oddly, it was also during this time I began to write; poetry, short stories, etc.) And my teachers began to encourage me to write.
One English teacher I had when I was 12 sent a poem of mine in to a publication and I won a prize of $1000. I also wrote about what was happening with me socially, but most often, my stories were crazy ideas of romance and being a pre-teenaged girl with a lot of trauma and a spicy imagination.
So, none of my life led to a world of integrity. It escalated and circled the drain for another 20 years, while I piled on more trauma and drama. I knew nothing about Integrity until I met you folks. It was not a part of my early training, nor was it part of my being.
I am grateful to say that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Not Lefty, he never did stop barking. But I was able to learn about Integrity here. I remember being about 3 weeks into this thing and taken to a meeting where I watched a man take a 16-year cake. He said that, for him, “recovery meant following the rules, even when no one is looking.” WOW!! I really loved that!
So, I made a conscious decision, on that day, to do the right thing, no matter what. There have been a lot of “no matter whats” since that day. And some of them have felt like having my arm torn from the socket to do the right thing.
Going to that hearing with all those felony charges coming into play all at once…on my 1st year anniversary around here! I had not even taken my first cake yet…and it appeared I wasn’t going to be able to! And paying back the debts I had accumulated…so many thousands of dollars! And today I can see how all of this has fed and informed my life and my spiritual journey.
Saying the difficult thing when asked for the truth. Knowing the truth and walking the truth to the best of my ability. And when that is not as it should be, knowing how and when to clean it up. These things are new and unusual and different.
I tell my clients and sponsees that recovery is NOT hard…and it isn’t. But, it IS unusual, different and quite often uncomfortable. Like a new pair of shoes. Sometimes they have to be worn for a bit before they feel like friends. I walk miles around the city where I live. I love to walk and hike. And a new pair of shoes can feel mighty uncomfortable for a few hours, sometimes days. And then they are friends and destined to go with me for miles.
Some new shoes are just cute. I love shoes, for those of you who may not know this about me. It is sometimes a recovery issue, but mostly a closet issue. Especially now that I live in a tiny, tiny house. I love shoes! That has nothing to do with integrity. Just a fact. But new shoes can be unusual, uncomfortable and different.
We adapt. We learn. We grow. And the new shoes (or new way of thinking and behaving) can be gotten used to and worn comfortably once we make the effort. An old dog and new tricks…it really works!
Dolphin Hug 