HONESTY MONTH: DAY 21: “May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke
Not many of my acquaintances or friends will dispute that I have pretty high energy and enthusiasm for nearly everything I do in life. This is how I have always been.
Once in a while, I do something with less than my usual vigor. That means I am NOT entirely engaged. The best example I can think of is going to the dentist. Not my favorite thing.
There are seldom times when I am not Tigger-ish. I want to open the floodgates of my persona to be deeply involved in whatever I am doing. And I almost always am.
I have always been a pretty intense and free spirit, even when I was a child. I learned to allow myself much more in later years. It was hard to rein my energy in when I was young, but God knows they tried. Especially the nuns in school…that was brutal! I am not good at channeling into the realms of others’ agendas.
Today I don’t even try. I just do what I do with all my heart and spirit and enthusiasm and enjoy the shit outta whatever it is. That is my secret…deep engagement. It doesn’t mean I have tunnel vision, just that I have a good time with everything I do.
When I am working with a group or teaching others in a group, I have a great time! I have worked in the same field for a really long time, but have never lost my passion and love of the stuff I teach than I had in the first week.
I get very excited about recovery! I am very excited when I write, because I never know what is flowing through me onto the page. It is very Zen and very interesting for me. Sometimes I read it later and am not really sure why that day’s writing went into that direction; and then I will find out later.
Trippy stuff, this being me. I have tried a few ways of “containing” myself, but it has never worked. Some of you have already heard me talk about my 1st Grade teacher, who told my parents she knew I was one of those children who needed a lot of stimulating activity because I could not be contained. She was so right! I always loved her for that.
When I try to rein in my Tigger energy, I get stifled and feel like I need to jump out of the top of my head. I walk a lot, to work it to my advantage. I write a lot, to allow myself the freedom of expression I must have. I eat really well, to keep my energy from getting jagged or edgy…it sometimes does anyway. And I work really hard to channel it into productive ways of expression also.
And what I know is that I am just here, doing what I do, loving what I love, and it is so fun! Yesterday, I met a new dog, actually two dogs. They hang out in the office of a rental company that I was visiting with a friend. They were named Huey and Hattie…big labs…he was curly and she was blonde. Biggest labs I have seen in quite some time. I met Huey first and we fell in love!
I petted him and scratched his butt and he grabbed my arm and pulled me all around with him, trying to find his “spot” so he could keep me, like a treasured ball or bone. Long time since a dog has done this with me. And he was VERY attached…he left teeth marks on my hand and arm…what a treat! Huey loved me a lot, and I felt the honor of that. It is a great honor to be loved like that by a dog, especially one I never fed. I smiled all afternoon from that.
And my arm smelled like Huey-breath all afternoon. I hated to wash it off. Hattie wanted in on the petting frenzy too, but Huey was too jealous to let her near me. I loved it!
I hope I never lose this zest for life. For the ability to just let it flow around me and through me, no matter what I am doing. I want to keep the kind of flexibility that allows me to run off into a new adventure any time. I usually do. And I never know what it will hold in store for me; but it is always fun!
Dolphin Hug 