HONESTY MONTH: DAY 11: “For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching has become a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. – Bill W.”
Yeah, I feel quite differently about this one than I once did. I was always a big fan of self-searching, but did not do it the way I do now.
It used to be that I could ponder the wonders of the Universe (and did) under the influence of some helpful drugs. And I was always BRILLIANT! I analyzed and dissected every facet of my life, but never really understood HOW to admit and accept what I found.
The farthest I ever got was to take YOUR inventory and tell YOU how to do better at making ME happy. It was all I ever thought about. That and how to get more of what I wanted and believed I needed, which was either money, property or prestige.
And men and sex and cute clothes and (have we talked about this?) SHOES! Oh yeah! And I patiently (ha!) and persistently tried to correct what was wrong (with you, with the government, with my family, with the laws, with judges and police, with having to pay for my drugs and booze (what??!!!). You know, the regular problems of a woman as brilliant as me.
I had no wisdom. Perhaps it is a process of seeing the truth and living the truth. Perhaps it is a process of becoming (finally, thank God!) mature. Perhaps it is a process of becoming responsible for myself and not holding you hostage to my unmet needs and desires. (They ARE endless, aren’t they?)
Whatever the shift is, I am sure the big coincidence is the fact that I no longer get high. I am sure, also, that practicing spiritual principles could be a factor. Ya think????
Maybe. All I know that I feel much wiser than I was the first time I read the quote above. I feel much more solidly grounded and happy…way happier! And I did not know that this was the result of telling the truth to you about me and my story and my motives and being willing to see your side of things too. Really? I found this to be an astonishing proposition.
One that I never planned to experience. Thank God for the idea of praying for willingness to pray for willingness. And thank God for the Nike ad that said, “Just Do It.” For some reason, that one got me. I fell in love with it and got a big poster that was with me for nearly 25 years! It made all the moves with me and was part of my décor everywhere I lived for all that time.
I believe in motivational materials. That was a great tool for me. It became my motto. I told others I was sponsored by Nike. And it worked! So, I just “did it” and have never looked back. Today, I can honestly say that this is my favorite step. They all are at different times, but this was the first favorite and has remained so for most of the years in-between.
I wanted to make much of my life; and I have, with the grace of the Universal Power that gives me opportunities and abilities to match those opportunities. It is not what I thought it would be, but it is so much better than I ever could have imagined or dreamed. And I became honest enough to let it all unfold by patiently and persistently correcting what was wrong. YAY!!!
Dolphin Hug 