FAITH MONTH: DAY 29: “I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” ― C. JoyBell C.
I don’t relate too much with the wings here, but I do understand exactly the feelings being described. Life is feeling like this for me now. Has been for about a year or so. Each day, something comes to add to my opened heart.
The idea of not knowing where I am going is recent for me. Has been unfolding for about 4 years, but really unfolding in this last year. I think of it as my chest is cracked open in my heart chakra and it is beating palpably. I can almost see it, and that may sound weird, but I love the feeling of my wide-open heart. It is like that first taste of a new romance, when you feel like you are lighter than air and have to carry something heavy in your pocket to hold you down.
I am like that all the time! I am not in love with any person, just my life! All life! Crazy life! And I don’t carry a whole lot where I am going or what is coming next. I am finally able to just BE in each moment and smile! Yay!
So, I don’t relate to the wings, but my heart has them, I suppose. I don’t feel so heavy and plodding. It used to wear me out to hike up a hill; now I feel like I am getting some exercise, but I love it! That is a very strange feeling.
And I am living in my body most of the time. My head is not running away with me, like it used to. I can feel my body being the thing that is moving. I am conscious of footsteps and legs and arms moving in sync with the rest of my body. Mind is quiet most of the time.
I am at peace with Creator and Creation. I may have a moment or two of doubt or fear, but it passes so quickly I hardly know it was there. Oddly, I lived many hours in this condition before. Therefore, I am quite aware of the difference.
A thousand things come up in a day and I can accommodate them all, open space. Not just time, but I leave the space open in-between.
I could never do that. I had such rigidity built into my life. Changes felt catastrophic and demanding. I don’t feel that way anymore. I may sense some resistance, but I just let it go. I may even voice a feeling around the resistance, such as annoyance or anger, but I let it go as soon as it is expressed. That used to be an open invitation to be irritated or annoyed for hours or even days.
What a gracious place to be! I am being mindful of this space, so I may return to it if and when I get into annoyance or anger.
Since most addicts have a default setting of “Restless, Irritable and Discontent” (RID), I will see how long I can keep this new paradigm setting of peaceful. I like it a lot! Hahaha…I was trying to write like and love at the same time…came out – I live it a lot…hahaha!
I love Freudian typing! Happy day y’all….
Dolphin Hug 