FAITH MONTH: DAY 27: “It is our wounds that create in us a desire to reach for miracles. The fulfillment of such miracles depends on whether we let our wounds pull us down or lift us up towards our dreams.” ― Jocelyn Soriano
We come into recovery settings, whatever they may be, with no real hope of anything. At least that was my story. I was not a relapser, so had no real idea what to look for or hope for when I got here.
I was wounded for a great deal of my life, possibly all of it. My understanding of the damage done in early childhood development indicates woundedness at a very early time. Then the drinking and drugging and crazy behaviors (both mine and everyone else’s) created more wounds.
I felt like a trapped animal, fighting and clawing for my life. So, I love this quote.
I had such a tremendous desire to reach for miracles. The lines that my dear Eskimo sister/friend Ruthie wrote in my first BB say: “When your faith gets a little shaky, you can turn to my God. He loves me and will love you because you are so precious to me.” Wow!
That was such an incredible miracle! The terms under which we came together were miraculous, the fact that we got those two weeks to become so close to each other was miraculous. All of it! And her faith worked for me for about 3 years, until I got to see that her God was, indeed, loving, kind and full of enough grace for me to be loved as well. And for me to recover! When she died, I was devastated, at 30 days of recovery; and believed her God was punishing her for knowing and loving me. (Just a tad arrogant, aren’t I??)
But that was not the case. She was an angel. Her short time in my life was a series of miraculous interventions, designed to give me the one gift I most needed to receive to recover. A loving relationship with God that was NOT going to happen for me any other way. Wow!
From that time to this, I have not had a doubt that I received miraculous interventions and guidance. I am grateful for it every single day and would never be able to throw it away on a cocktail or a drug of any kind.
At just the point where my wounds may have pulled me down, I was lifted up toward my dreams by the angel who was Divinely placed in my path. She appeared on the very worst day I have ever spent on this planet in this lifetime, and I will never, ever throw that gift away.
There is nothing I can imagine that has not already happened in my life that will take that away from me. And so, my faith has become my greatest and most precious treasure. It was one of the last acts of love from the loveliest woman I have ever known.
I am mindful of this gift. I love writing about this, because it wakes up the place inside of me where this wonderful memory lives and gives me that same sense of awe and awareness of the Creator that I love to embrace.
I hope I can continue to write about this gift for the rest of my life. Every time I open it, my heart is full and my life is rich. There is nothing else I need today. I am beloved of Ruthie and the folks who came after her in this recovery thing; and, I believe the Power that created us all, through them. What a great life for a wounded animal!
Dolphin Hug 