March 22

FAITH MONTH: DAY 22: “A priest once quoted to me the Roman saying that a religion is dead when the priests laugh at each other across the altar. I always laugh at the altar, be it Christian, Hindu, or Buddhist, because real religion is the transformation of anxiety into laughter.” ― Alan W. Watts

There is nothing more wonderful (for me, doing this) than when a quote matches so perfectly my recent experience. This is one of those hyper-synchronistic events. I LOVE IT!

Yesterday morning, I woke up with awful nightmares about cats. Yes, and it was somehow linked to my feral cat population, which has been becoming overwhelming to my resources, yards and goodwill of my neighbors. I have been very frustrated lately with finding resources for moving some of these cats to a new neighborhood.

So, the dream left me in a bit of anxiety, because it was truly awful. I did not think a great deal about it, but wrote something in my journal to let go of the residual panic I had awakened in. After meditating, I was still feeling a bit anxious, but I went on with my morning.

After doing my yoga and other morning things, I went on to write and felt very centered and peaceful. I was working on a project when my phone rang and my neighbor called to complain about the cats and to let me know she was trapping them and would take them out to “relocate” (dump) them. She had caught one of them that morning and asked if I wanted to get it. I said yes.

Now I am having a minor anxiety attack, because I want to let her know I am not willfully keeping these cats, but I cannot abide the thought of just dumping them. I got another call I had to deal with and felt a bit of panic as I was trying to get dressed to go get the cat and take it to the vet to have her spayed.

Ugh! (Can I also mention here it was raining…not my idea of a fun time to do this, because I have a screaming cat in a wire cage to deal with…mud and mess all over.) Okay. I get the cat to the vet and now I am crying because I don’t have any idea what to do with these cats or how to find a nice ranch for them to live on.

Ugh again! I got some info from the vet and came home to call. Found some new resources and also discovered that the animal shelter now takes feral cats and finds farm placement for them. Okay! I began to breathe. Then I had the time to call my sponsor.

We did NOT talk about a step or anything else. I just sat and breathed while I waited for her to answer the phone and then we began to laugh at the crazy cat antics in my life. Okay. All better.

Truth is this: I am a product of a lot of trauma. My anxiety is over the moon on occasion, and I have had to learn to deal with it. I have to understand a few things…that avoidance is NOT going to be a solution, that I must walk through things that make me anxious without going postal on others, that I am okay and solutions are out there, but I don’t have them.

And finally, that having faith in the process of just putting my shoes on and dealing with things is the only way I get better at doing things that trigger me. So, I have to learn that whatever altar I am at, laughing is the only thing that breaks the tension in my body and mind.

I can be frozen in panic over the craziest things. In this case, nothing about the cat stuff was anxiety-provoking, except for my response, based on the dream that morning. Panic! And how silly it is for me to spin out of control over these things that FEEL scary or threatening.

I had a long talk with my neighbor and got clear on a timeframe for moving these cats to the shelter where they can receive homes and be okay, but not here. Truth is, I have wanted to get them out of my life for a long time. They are, and have been, overwhelming me also. YAY!!!

And what was really funny was that the rest of the situations I had that were unresolved at the beginning of the day (which all added to my anxiety) were beautifully resolved by the middle of the day. My faith was shaky, but it stood firm. I do what I can and leave the rest in the hands of a Universe that is bountiful and produces greater good than I EVER could. All I need to do is breathe….and laugh…and breathe…and laugh! Thank you, thank you, thank you!