March 13

FAITH MONTH: DAY 13: “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” ― Carl Sagan

This one JUMPED out at me this morning when I was reading the pages of quotes I gather at the end of the previous month. And I started laughing!

Why? Well, with my crazy history with religious dogma and the stuff I gathered in my life by the ripe, old age of 17, I began my love affair with the (first, play; then movie) “Jesus Christ Superstar”. It was a powerful story and relationship, all the way to the 25^th anniversary production at ASU in 1997.

When I first got to this thing, I would be so angry at what I was trying to do and hitting the brick wall of MY WILL that I would immediately start singing, “Are YOU the Christ, the great Jesus Christ? Prove to me that you’re no fool…walk across my swimming pool.”

I f-n LOVE that song! Why? Because it is as irreverent as I have ALWAYS felt. I knew, even when I was 5 or 6 years old, that the crazy people telling me those stories in school and catechism were full of it! I did not then, nor do I now, ever truly believe anything they told me. It made NO sense!

My only experience with feeling the sense of believing someone knew what they were talking about regarding a Power was at the medicine ceremonies I attended in my 20s, which were not discussed in terms of dogma. I have felt the presence of that Power on many occasions, when on the ocean, hiking in Nature, and whenever confronted by the beauty and magnificence of people and the natural world.

When I was detoxing in 1986 and my friend Ruthie was telling me about the God she had found in AA, I felt the first and only touch of believability ever. She KNEW…and I KNEW SHE KNEW!!! It was so amazing! No one had ever touched my heart with their faith. I had met gurus in ashrams, religious believers all over the world, of every tradition. But Ruthie reached inside and touched me. Today I can see that this truly was the same kind of opening and awareness that Bill Wilson got in his hospital room.

I just related that for the first time. For those of you who thank me for writing these, I must say that it gives me much more than I give you. Trust me!

So, when I read this quote this morning, I remembered daring God (or my other favorite name for the Power) to keep me away from drugs and alcohol. Not begging, I was done with that. I just straight out dared the SOB to do it. I was angry and hurt and felt rejected by life and whoever or whatever was in charge of this shit.

So, I have learned that faith is not something we must do with reverence. I get angry and call the foulest names I can find…and then my attitude takes over and I dare it, him, her, whatever to show him, her, itself to me in some miraculous way.

Today I just laugh and remember what a brat I have been most of my life and that there is no cosmic Santa Claus who is going to actually walk across my swimming pool, but I still love the song and sing it sometimes to remind myself that I really have never had it so damned good!