FAITH MONTH: DAY 4: “To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim, you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” ― Alan W. Watts
One of my go-to authors, because his words cut through my brain like a knife. This quote is used every year in faith month because it has informed me for many years about what it is to “let go.”
We have our slogans around this thing. Some of them are not to my liking, but “Let Go and Let God” is a great one for me. I am fatally independent. Always have been.
I had what I call my ‘Scarlett O’Hara moment’ when I was 3 years old and realized the people in charge were incompetent and untrustworthy. They were arbitrary and usually loaded enough to make their parenting unpredictable. SO, I decided I would be in charge.
How I learned to adapt to this stuff was to lie and con and do whatever I needed to do to take care of ME. This was not appropriate then, and it became even more so as time went on. This is what I have learned here, how to change that story and let go of it.
It tells me where and when it all began to go sideways. Now I must stop the skid and right my life. I don’t want to live like this any longer. It is NOT recovery if I am still hanging on to the old story. When that instinct (EGO!) comes up, it is my job to be mindful and aware of that voice or instinct and take another course of action.
Recovery is not about repeating these stories over and over again. They do not serve us well. They are part of a system of defending ourselves from the imminent dangers that lurk all around us. There are no dangers, then or now. Only stories.
Examine the stories you have, the rules about life you believe. Shift them. “Let Go and Let God” is all about this! Do not think that your way of seeing the world is right or good or any of it. Move back and take another look. If you cannot see the truth, ask for clarity.
If your story is all about making you right and others wrong, it is an old idea. We are all here together for a reason, a purpose is being fulfilled. I am here to teach you and you are here to teach me. Period. It has nothing to do with either of us being right or wrong, or any degrees of either.
You are being the most perfect you that you know how to be. So am I. When it becomes uncomfortable to be this me, I will be required to look at it and see where I am wrong. There is no process whereby I get to point out YOUR wrongs. Only mine count. Only I need to shift my attitudes and my behavior. You get to do whatever you want for as long as you need to do it.
I must practice two spiritual principles in this; acceptance and letting go. Ugh! Every time, all the time. I do not know what you should or should not be doing. I may have to set a boundary if your behavior is infringing on my personal rights or harming me; but I DO NOT get to judge you. I am not qualified to be a judge of anything. Oh!
So, I let go and let it be the work of the only qualified entity that exists…NOT ME! I must trust that the Universe is always running the way it is supposed to and that there is nothing for me to know about your journey. Mine should keep me adequately busy if I am doing the work that recovery requires.
This is how I relax and float. I give up setting the stage and directing the actors and stick with a tiny piece of the play, my part, and only my part…relaxing and floating.
Dolphin Hug 