March 2

FAITH MONTH: DAY 2: “Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.” ― Lauren Kate

All of life comes into our lives out of nowhere. If we could create life, we would screw it up! It comes from whatever Source all energy and life comes from. We do not get to mess with that, thank goodness.

Although there are 100s of books telling us how to “create” the life of our dreams, I truly see it differently. We can dream, but we must move our feet in the direction the dreams dictate. It may be that we end up in a totally different landscape than the one we had in mind.

This is my experience, over and over again. I knew my husband for 12 years before we ended up together. It was a very circuitous route; one I could never have figured out for either of us. Life is always like that. And I love it! I am full of wonder and awe over the way life unfolds…miraculous and perfect, even when (or should I say especially?) I have another plan.

My faith is this. That I will be okay, no matter what. I am right now, I will continue to be, and so will you. I do not know what that means, and I usually have the wrong shoes on; but that has been alright thus far.

There is no capricious, punitive or mean Universal Power that is waiting to “get” me, so life is going to be life. That is all. I CAN stay away from all my addictions, which are far more numerous than just drinking and drugging. I find, at this moment, that my addiction to SPM can be a far more dangerous addiction than all the others combined.

That particular addiction gets removed, a day at a time, for moments at a time, so I can feel the peace that underlies all of life. I can feel my kinship and joy with life, just the way it is, right here and right now. In a couple of minutes, I may be all caught up in figuring things out or believing the crazy that goes on in my head.

But, this moment, that addiction has been laid to rest. I am happy and grateful. This is what my longing for 12-step recovery brought me to. I came to stop killing myself and have learned to stop all the other insanity as well. It is so much greater than just drugs and alcohol. Who knew?

This peace, this deep and abiding acceptance and love of EVERYTHING is an amazing place to sit. I do not sit still here, and the SPM are still working overtime, but the depth of my grasp on a spiritual life is so much richer than I ever believed possible.

I used to read about things like this and hate the author or writer who spoke of them. I truly did NOT believe there was anything like this feeling available, especially for me. I thought they were full of crap and pooh-poohed their writing.

But a tiny spark lit up in my heart when I read them. And that is why I write about these things. It IS possible! It IS real…wow! And all because I drank all the scotch I could and used all the cocaine I could before it kicked my ass!

Today there is no battle about who or what God is or isn’t. That took FOREVER!! And every single step of the journey was amazing and a direct challenge to the SPM and my enormous ego. I am so grateful for every moment that they are vanquished and I am FREE!!!!