February 12

HOPE MONTH: DAY 12: “Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.” ― Václav Havel

We label life “good” or “bad” because we have been trained (by our ego) to judge and analyze and name everything. There really is no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong, and so on. This is how the ego strives to keep everything in tidy little boxes (control) so we can pretend (to ourselves) that we are in control of this life.

So, it does not matter, when we are spiritually fit, how things turn out; because we have no stake in outcomes. If we do what we are supposed to be doing, the outcomes are none of our business. I do what I know is the next, right, indicated action, and the results are not up to me. They never were. So, the way things turn out is not mine to ponder, worry or fret about, or even consider.

Ego will keep us frozen in fear of long-term outcomes not being what we want. So, we never take the actions necessary and sit in states of self-pity because we are too afraid to move.

There used to be a saying around the rooms of recovery I have not heard in a long time: “If you like what you are getting, keep doing what you are doing.”

That says it, for me. I am not sure why, but I have never been afraid to take the action. There have been times of tremendous fear and anxiety, but I was taking appropriate action, nonetheless. I am amazed that people need to be directed to do what they should know to do anyway. To me, that is so lazy and sad! And I know that many addicts are very lazy and unmotivated to even show up for their own lives. I have met some of these folks when they are dying and are disappointed that they missed the whole damn parade!

Bummer. I have jumped off a lot of cliffs to see if I could fly…sometimes I soared, and sometimes I crashed. I never blame anyone else, because I have always been very self-motivated and driven to experience everything life has to offer. I do not understand sitting on the sidelines as a spectator; never have.

So, I act, without any stake in how things turn out. I have learned that however life unfolds, it is the will of the Divine and Universal energy. None of my business. But I will NOT sit by and watch it pass. I will march and stomp my feet and sing my song and live every second very well, without looking over my shoulder because I left something undone.

I don’t sit on my butt talking about what I did in the past, I am doing it NOW…all of it, steps, calling that sponsor, (yes, even after 30 years…I would hate to miss my talks with her); and I listen to the feedback I get from her and another trusted person in my life right now, because I have tasked them to answer my questions and give me feedback.

I do not make decisions without getting feedback, but I make my own decisions and do my own work. I am very devoted to that path. Always have been. Responsible and accountable. That is what I want to be, ever since I came in and heard the old-timers (who were members from the 1940s and 1950s in AA) talk about being those things.

What you do is none of my business, unless you ask me. Then I will tell you to get off your ass and go do what you know needs doing. You know what it is, I cannot, for the life of me, understand why you need to be told to go do it!