February 3

HOPE MONTH: DAY 3: “We should ask God to increase our hope when it is small, awaken it when it is dormant, confirm it when it is wavering, strengthen it when it is weak, and raise it up when it is overthrown.” ― John Calvin

Hope is the only thing we get to have when we first get here. The gift of hopelessness and futility with life is a great starting point for where we need to go. Remaining hopeful for many years is sometimes the challenge to keep going forward when life seems too challenging.

Maintaining recovery after 15 or 20 years can be a greater challenge than we believe we can achieve. Hope is in the time we see around us, those folks with 25 or 30 or 40 or 50 years of recovery who have kept putting one foot in front of the other.

That kind of hope kept me going during times when I thought (again!) that the whole Universe was conspiring to “get” me down and kick my butt! Hahaha! Still more arrogance to get over, don’t you know? The craziest thing is to get the arrogance and ego kicked out of town, not me.

It takes many, many years and a great deal of getting my ass kicked before I stop identifying with that false identity of mine…my ego…purple screaming monkeys…yikes!

The stories, the intense amount of faith I can contain that is really all about my imminent demise as a person and a spiritual identity. It is HUGE!

Some mornings I wake up and invite my monkeys to tell me their best stuff. To bring on the stories and to let me have it. The very, very best they are ever capable of coming up with is that it is all going to self-destruct any minute and I will be destroyed in the process, painfully and everyone will hate me. Okay! I get it! Same story, different day…doom and gloom and pain and destruction. Really?

And then the monkeys will blame it on YOU! Okay again! Let them scream, if they must. Do NOT let it run your life for pity’s sake. What the hell are you thinking? Just thoughts, crazy monkey thoughts, so what? Really, so what?

Get over your crazy monkey thoughts and go on with the things that are in front of you to do. Life is none of your business…that is all a part of this recovery thing. Go be of service to another human being. Let their needs be more important than your own.

Read a spiritual book (out loud) to someone who is alone and afraid. There are (literally) millions of them confined to nursing homes and care centers or hospitals. Go and see someone who is alone and in pain or fear and comfort them. Read their favorite spiritual book to them and find some time to discuss what it said to you and let them discuss what they are feeling.

Volunteer for hospice and sit with a dying person and ask them about their life. They have great stories to tell and truly fear that no one is going to hear them. Clean house for another person who cannot move well. Do their errands, take them a flower or a book you can give away. We all love a good listener. Be quiet and learn to be one. It matters to someone. Find them. Help them. Your screaming monkeys will be gone when you do.

This, I believe, is how the quote works. I can only ask God, then I need to get on with what I can do for someone else. My problems, my life, my crazy thinking CAN be restored to sanity. But only when I let go of my attachment to ALL of it and move on. The important thing is to take some action that is positive and in the direction of not being about ME. OKAY! Let’s go!!!