ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 26: “I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.” ― Joanne Harris
Quit fighting…sounds so easy. And yet, ego loves the battle…and having answers…and knowing shit. If I can just let go, life is so easy. That is the challenge in life.
Addicts cling…to security…to old ideas…we get so broken by this. It is what a spiritual practice is all about. Not talking it, but walking with letting go. Leaving life the hell alone! Letting life go on and staying out of its way. What a relief when we are too exhausted to figure it out one more time, to stop being the director of the Universe.
What if the stars stay in their orbits, the sun and the moon and all the planets do what they are designed to do, the world runs just the way it is supposed to, without our input? What if? Life is a beautiful thing, when I am doing just my part, just my small and lovely (but ego-less) part to be just a human with billions of other humans. I LOVE THAT!!!
For about 10 minutes, then it is ON! And off I go, finding out, learning about this or that, seeing what I can DO about it. On and on and on. Ugh!
So, acceptance brings me back to NOT doing or knowing or figuring. Just being and breathing really IS enough, if I can remain content with that. Problem is, I do not do that.
So, we have these steps. The process of Not accepting will bring me to exhaustion. A great state for me. I am DONE with all my machinations and manipulations. So, then I can be re-directed into a spiritual starting spot. Okay. Now I am pointed in another direction and ready to go.
BUT, there are things in my way. Old ideas, resentments, I am not able to find the spiritual aspects of myself, my life, or anything else. Okay.
On to the other 11 Steps. But first, I must exhaust myself with trying to do things the way I think they are to be done. When that happens, I am open to learning and growing. Until then, I am still manipulating and conning myself and anyone else who will listen to get them to do it for me or somehow take responsibility for my shit. Ain’t I something?
And life refuses to allow me to float along her current without putting my paddle in to earn my keep. This is NOT about financial wherewithal, it IS about responsibility and accountability, and the truth. I must learn about myself and my truth. Ugh!
And the steps, when worked again and again, bring me closer and closer to the core of my soul, to the core of the truth. I let go of the outer layers of crap I have used to cover myself from your eagle-eyed view of who I truly am.
I think I have you fooled. The only one who is fooled (really) is me. And I am dying, wrapped up in all this crap like I am. So, a little at a time, over a whole bunch of years, I am unwrapped and becoming closer to the soul I am here to be. Yay!
Dolphin Hug 