ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 23: “Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.” ― Mark Z. Danielewski
Oh…this quote! So true and so challenging for addicts. Right? We love to KNOW everything…and we really love to be RIGHT!
Sitting with not knowing the outcome of a decision or a situation or life itself is very uncomfortable. We think we must have answers to go forward.
I love the ambiguity of leaping off cliffs. Sometimes I have soared and other times I have fallen and landed in the briars, just like Wile E. Coyote. (I just giggled a bit when I typed his name!)
There is something to say about taking each day as it comes. There is also some comfort for those of us who want the magic 8 ball kind of answers to knowing what is ultimately going to happen. That is, assuredly, we are going to die. Living, then, is a courageous choice.
I insist on living out loud. I have loved that quote since I was the little girl who talked to everyone and told things that I was supposed to keep secret.
But I can sit without knowing a great deal these days. I know enough to know that I am going to live big and loud and in full force every single minute I have coming. Absolutely insist on enjoying life…that is me big time!
And I have so much fun and laughter. I amuse myself enormously. This morning it was sunny for about 20 minutes, so I was dancing around my house and doing lots of sun salutes. The rainy weather has been a challenge, because I cannot go out and hike and be on the beach and I am dying for sunshine. Every window in my little casa has crystals hanging, so there are rainbows everywhere when the sun shines. I was SO happy to see rainbows all over my walls and floors and house, it made me a bit crazed this am.
When you live, as I do, in a place where the sun shines about 350 days a year, 2 weeks of rain is so off that I have MISSED the sun! Boy, you can bet I am grateful today!
And now it is raining again! But my 20 minutes of dancing is enough till the sun comes out to stay in a few days. Not sure about how mature that is, but I celebrate the shit outta this life. It is amazing and beautiful and full of joy. Simple joy, doesn’t cost a penny. I can just look around and find joy in the most wonderful ways and in the most wonderful places. I LOVE THAT!
And all I do is “not know” so many things.
We love to plan and control and arrange and organize…trust me, the queen of ALL of that! But I can do it all and let go of the outcomes. I seldom get disappointed, but I do get discouraged. A friend told me yesterday that I was not accepting the rain…hahaha…she is SO right! But I blessed and thanked it for the good it is doing in my life today.
So, I don’t know if today is my last day. I am planning to live like it is. There is little left undone by me now in my life. I have a bucket list, but it is mostly accomplished and the few things left are not that big a deal. That is wonderful to say and sit still with.
My ego is right-sized, in this moment, and there is nothing I need to KNOW except life is ticking and I am doing only those things I choose to do today. I have made every decision for myself, and there is nothing I will ever want to change about how that goes. I love what I am getting, so I am going to keep doing what I am doing. This is good shit!
Dolphin Hug 