ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 19: “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.” ― Fulton Oursler
Oh yeah! Ego is the screaming purple monkey that robs us of peace. It is the thing that tells us we are so vast in influence that every mistake we have ever made is etched in granite and we can never get past it. OR…it tells us to be afraid, at all times, of everything. It dreams up crazy stories about how horrible everything is going to be and tells us this same story over and over, daily.
There is little change in what horror awaits us…always doom and gloom…terrible outcomes…OR…it tells us that we are going to be king of the world, so don’t worry about going to work today.
Either way, we are frozen between these two refrains, some of them playing simultaneously, all the time. We get to choose only one thing: Whether we are going to recognize the voices or not. If we decide to recognize and become aware of them, we get to make another choice: Whether we are going to believe what is being said.
It takes a while in meditation before we become fully aware of the voices and what they are saying. Most addicts think meditation is going to teach them to quiet the voices. As with a noisy child, it is important to know that they MUST have their say. Once we listen to them, they will keep the litany going until we choose to laugh at it.
That is going to be the moment of the shift in our consciousness. Not when the voices stop, but when we can sit with them and realize they are feeding us total and utter garbage. Which we do not have to take in! Okay!
Now we have made some powerful choices about what we believe and do not believe. As this deepens, we are doing a daily inventory of the life we once led and the life we are heading toward. Simple, but we must deepen it to gain full benefit.
We must examine, in writing, the things that come. The feelings (all of them!) and the ideas about the feelings. If we are angry at someone, it is important to examine what we believe they did and why we are angry. If we are sad, same thing.
Usually, these things are me not getting my way. It is funny (not humorous, but odd and stupid) that I still want to throw temper tantrums at my age because things are not going the way I think they should! Hahaha!
And if I am afraid of what is coming, same thing…I might not get my way! Well, that can only work out if I learn to accept that not knowing is my best friend.
So, I practice uncertainty and being okay with not knowing. This is the ticket, for me. I hold it in my hands and look at it. Then I turn it all around to see if there is anything I need to pay attention to, then I cup it into my heart for deeper acceptance of my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. No matter how far away I get from cocktails and drugs, I am still puzzled when I see that I am, once again, trying to manage my life!
And when it goes off the rails, it is often because I have made decisions based on my fears and based on self…uhoh! That’s a deadly thing right there. So, I should be willing to sit with the outcomes of THOSE decisions and wonder why I need this lesson…hahaha. I always need that lesson; whatever it may be.
So, I can lay down the mallet that I am using to beat myself over the head and do just what’s in front of me today…not behind me, that is over. Just immediately within the next breath, and then the next one. Then the things that are down the road are getting closer and can be dealt with in THAT breath. It really is a much simpler way to live…so glad!
Dolphin Hug 