ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 15: “The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.” ― Eckhart Tolle
This is our greatest journey, I believe. To stop all story about what IS and let go of figuring it out, labeling it, having an attachment to what we believe about it, and all the assorted BS we put ourselves through with the crazy screaming purple monkeys.
There are big chunks of my day, at this time in my life, where I am free of that. It is nothing short of incredible and miraculous. It crept up on me when I wasn’t watching and changed who I was and how I reacted to life.
The difference between a reaction and a response is very clear to me these days. I reacted from a non-thinking ego space to how I felt about the story I was telling myself. It was often random and spontaneous and always came from ego-defenses.
Responding is different. It is most often deliberate, measured, considered (and therefore more considerate), mature and quiet. I am still often feeling something about the situation, but not letting those feelings (usually fear and anger fuel reactions) drive the response.
I can sit with my feelings when something occurs and question what I believe about the situation. Then I can consider how to answer if I need to. I often find that I do not need to do or say anything, which is always the best bet.
If a response is needed, I can take a breath and consider how to proceed. This has taken over 20 years to master. I once had a therapist who would tell me: “Always respond with Hhhmmm. Can I get back to you on that?” and to always say “interesting” when people were trying to get a response/reaction from me. That is a direct challenge to my know-it-all, seen-it-all, done-it-all smartass attitude. I am the princess of the quick, off-the-cuff remarks and quite proud of my quick wit.
However, not all the things I snap back with are appropriate or witty. ???? Who knew??? Another example of cognitive dissonance. My life is full of them!
And recovery in the 12-steps has given me the ability to be aware of my thoughts, to examine them for veracity, and to shift or change the beliefs that are false or based on old beliefs. This is an important part of recovery, the biggest, for me.
That is why I must first accept something, then learn to be grateful for it, and all other stories around it are eventually removed. Notice I wrote the word eventually there. It is a process, ongoing and never-ending, but it works so beautifully that I am a big fan and cheerleader!
I want to do everything I can to live in love, joy and peace. That has always been the goal. We thought we had found it in the 1960s. We sure tried. An elusive idea that can only be achieved INSIDE my mind and the shift that takes place when I do something so simple as to change my mind. A woman’s prerogative, right?
I am using my prerogative today. As often as possible, whenever needed. And life is all about love, joy and peace…yay!! I had to type joy 3 times, it kept coming out koy…hahahahaha!
Dolphin Hug 