January 13

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 13: “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

I had a vivid memory this morning of something that happened to me on January 13, 1967…a Friday also. I was in an art class and we were making pottery somethings. Playing in big vats of clay and I lost a ring I had received for Christmas just a few weeks before.

I remember it, because it was such a sad day for me. It was a beautiful ring and I was so proud of it! Jewelry was not a part of my life at that time. I had earrings, but no rings. I searched frantically through the clay and never found my ring. I have never forgotten that it was Friday the 13^th. I did NOT have any acceptance on that day…and 40 years later, that is the memory that comes every Friday the 13^th. So, sad to never have embraced another event to correspond with that date, emotionally.

So, this, for me, represents the kind of resistance to life I have had since a very young age. This event was 40 years ago, today; and I still have only that memory to serve me. A silly way to have lived a life. I use this example as a simple way of seeing how I perceive life through such a dark lens and how much I do not recognize this in my daily existence.

I have not been blessed with the ability to “Let reality be reality.” In every instance, I have created a story around my life that is dark and terrible. The truth of the events of my life is quite different when I learn to shift my perception of these events. They are just a story. I am learning, too slowly for my taste, I will admit; to reframe these stories.

I was shocked to think about this today. I was writing the date on my gratitude list this morning and saw that it was Friday the 13^th. Immediately, I was washed over with the sad story of that young girl and how hard she cried over that ring and how it never was found (by me). Why is that the only story I have in a lifetime that has included 109 Friday the 13ths, including today. (I LOVE Google!!!)

When I see how much I tend to see things through a dark and narrow lens, it reminds me to take a different (and larger) view of my life. That is an essential ingredient to acceptance and happiness. And I can understand that one day in a life that has included 109 such days from which to create memories was not that important. Imagine what I have done with a lifetime if that is my only focus and perspective! Ugh!

This stuff runs deep. I resisted that experience and called it “bad”. It was rather neutral, actually. I have lost a lot of jewelry since that day. And received a great deal more that I have worn and loved just as much. Why, then, do we focus on things like this? Ego, again. The block we all have in our minds that rewrites every experience as being dramatic, terrible, crippling, etc.

I must accept that I am only capable of hanging on to memories like this instead of the joyous things that have also occurred. My daily gratitude practice has helped me over these many years, to see this tendency in all its glory. And to understand why I am so negatively focused, even when my life has been such a miraculous event, one right after another.

I went on to become quite prolific with clay and made some beautiful things. I will also testify, however, that I have never been able to enjoy the clay because the memory of losing my ring has been there every time. Who knows? I might have enjoyed a memory of a love scene like that in “Ghost” and the wheel. Probably not, but my life is not the same when I am hanging on to things like this and not challenging the faultiness of a memory that only keeps the crap and releases the beauty. A dark lens indeed! There is always more work to be done!