ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 7: “Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when you don’t even show that to yourself.” ― Steve Maraboli
When I feel insecure, the rest of the world is going to believe it too. I have had this experience in many ways.
My insecurity looks too much like false bravado. I become too confident, too self-assured, too arrogant to mask my fear of you knowing how insecure I feel. These are not qualities that tend toward people gravitating toward me; in fact, they do the opposite.
Truly unlikeable attitudes and behaviors often mask others’ insecurity. I really work to remember this when in the presence of those who are acting in these ways. I most often can recognize it. When I am off-balance, I know that I come back at them with the same ego-based behaviors and attitudes. That is uncomfortable and unprofitable.
The steps have given me a sense of self-worth and self-esteem that I did not have before. Why? Because I do not look around and compare myself with others any more. I do not need to be the smartest, although I know I am smart. Quite the contrary, I enjoy being with smart people and learning from them today. Big shift, because they do not threaten me any longer.
I don’t need to be the most well-read or the thinnest or the best-dressed or drive the prettiest/fastest car. See how those things have nothing to do with who I am?
That is the key. To be more comfortable in your own skin, quit looking at what goes on the outside of the skin and look at what is INSIDE the skin. Look at what the stuff INSIDE the skin is doing and how it is walking through the world.
NOT to be better than others, but to find out who that person is. When you are spending quality time with THAT person, you will begin to love that person deeply and to admire them for their unique way of being in the world.
First, you must accept that NOTHING on the OUTSIDE of the skin is about YOU. Nothing! Ugh! That means I must sit still and learn about me. Duh! The steps take us into self, not out of self. We cannot do anything for anyone until we have done it within us.
I have nothing to offer anyone until I know who I am and what I am doing with myself. I must have a strong sense of identity to share that with others.
Too often we look for outside parameters to define us. It never (NEVER!) works. And we do not understand why we are so unhappy and cannot find a sense of self. Steps take us on that journey. We get rid of ego- self to uncover heart-self or soul-self. This IS the spiritual path of all 12 steps. We do NOT even begin to practice giving that away until we get to the real, authentic self we tried to kill with ego and all the other addictions.
Write down everything you believe you need to thrive. Then recognize the beauty and importance of how those needs will be met by YOU. Learn to love yourself by treating yourself as a friend. When we meditate, it is not to empty the brain; but to see the lies and BS the brain comes up with. When we can sit with that, we are being friendly to ourselves. Keep doing this so you know what the BS is and can stop listening to it and acting on it.
People think accepting ourselves has something to do with a story. Let go of the story and just BE with the INSIDE stuff. It is an amazing journey most people never get to take…welcome home!
Dolphin Hug 