LOVE MONTH: DAY 30: “I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.” – Arthur Rubinstein
Well, that certainly has been my experience these last few years. I mostly spent my life being curious about what was coming next before that.
And for the early years, there were times when I could not imagine doing even one more second of life, because it was scary and painful and I was full of fear.
I kept trying to live in the insanity of addiction and holding on to my own way of thinking. It was hell. I know a few folks who are living in this kind of hell without drugs and alcohol; and I see the pain of it. We must let go of old ways. Watching newer members attempt to run and control and think their way through this is the greatest reminder I know for continuing the amazing work we get to do here. As they fall, again and again, prey to their old behaviors and eventually get loaded, I see my fear must be overcome.
I have feared life, hated life, then learned to tolerate life, then learned to sometimes enjoy life. Now I love it and the rewards are so great!
This has been my process of recovering from where I was when I walked in here. It was after a very serious series of suicide attempts. Because I could not fathom even one more breath.
Now I feel like a little kid at Christmas, because the adventure is ON! I still have moments of not knowing what to do or how to do it; but I am never too afraid to jump in the deep end and swim with all my might. What a difference!
And the quote is absolutely true! I get so much love from life! I used to get fear, then hate, then dread. I moved into getting tolerable feelings about my life, then sometimes enjoyment.
We only get what we put into everything. If I am in a relationship with someone, and I give them conditions and judgments and resentment, or try to control them all the time; there is no way this is going to flourish and be loving and wonderful.
I have found that the more I put love into life, the larger my heart grows. I can hold others in my heart and not need them to be anything or do anything to keep them there.
You can be you. This is awesome! And it took a long time, but it has happened. And I am grateful and loving it! What I focus on grows. If I am busy loving you and life and me and life, there is nothing to see but more and more love! See what I mean???
Dolphin Hug 