LOVE MONTH: DAY 22: “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ― Lao Tzu
I always see this quote in terms of relational love…male-female kind of thing. Today is so different. I am sitting in this crazy space that is new for me…an opening, if you will, to the places I only hoped I would get one day.
I don’t want to jinx it (lol!) or analyze it or lose it. It feels amazing to be this deep in love with myself and my life. Weird, huh? I think so too. But I like it a lot and want to talk (write) about it, because it may help someone who is on their way to this place and feeling lost or confused.
The true purpose of these writings every day is to share my journey into the healing and spiritual growth I have enjoyed (not always really enjoyed, but stick with me) since I came crawling into the rooms of 12-step recovery.
I don’t kid myself that they are Divinely inspired or anything like that. I really want them to be conversations we are all having and this is my take on what happens in the process. It’s really your fault, all of you, because you asked me to share in 1986, and you have not been able to stop me since! I believe we are all here to tell our recovery stories and watch the shift happen from what we believed then and its progression to what we believe today.
Our perspectives are shifted, based on the stance we take in every aspect of our lives. Mine have undergone a crazy transformation and transmutation that is nothing short of miraculous; and, that, I believe is Divinely inspired.
I have loved some folks very deeply, but always challenged with loving those who I interpreted as being the “bad guys” in my life. There has been such a dramatic shift in the last few months that I am being transported, somehow, into another realm of love and acceptance and grace and kindness and open-heartedness that I feel like a totally different person.
I wrote something this morning that I posted as my Christmas greeting on fb and will share it here also. I do not know this person, or the depth of the sincerity with which the dream and the awakening I had this morning occurred. It is truly Divinely inspired.
When I began this thing, I was kinda pissed (those of you who know me understand my total ability to be extremely irreverent around the God stuff!) that I was not immediately transported into a spiritual awakening along the lines of Bill W. I felt quite deserving of a personal visitation… yeah, right!
Today, (a mere short 30 years later!) that kind of an event came to me…no shining stars, no ringing bells, no choirs of angels (so much for those many years of catechism…I KNEW they didn’t work on me!); BUT, I knew I was okay…totally okay…and there was a sense of love and promise and purpose and JOY and more LOVE inside my heart that I wanted to explode!!! And I understood…I totally GOT IT ALL!
So, thank you to those of you who have been a part of this…I truly know that it has been a planet full of folks who are responsible for my journey to this place today…I shared with someone last night that I was afraid I was going to die if I felt like this any more deeply…it happened, I didn’t. But I am sure-as-shit gonna share it! And here is the Christmas message I shared this morning… (just in case I do die!) I always believed that reaching this place in my heart would mean I was ready to transcend…so arrogant! Big LOVE!
“So, this morning I woke up from a dream and was telling a friend about how I had amnesia for the last 6-7 years and was just recognizing my REAL life.
Then I went on to tell her that now that I knew my REAL life (as a very wealthy woman, who had a completely different lifestyle in the world); I was going to begin to give away all those material assets because they had never made me as happy as I am without them.
And I went on to tell her that I was going to spare the kindest people I knew from having any of those burdens, because I did not want their lives to become as unhappy as mine had been for these last few years.
It was the craziest dream I can remember having in a very long time. And I woke up knowing that it was true in many aspects. That I would not want that kind of responsibility and burden in my life right now or in my future.
And I realized that I am that crazy thing I never thought I could be: completely happy with EVERYTHING in my life right now, as it is, as it has been, and as it will be!
WOW! What a great dream! I feel a book coming on…
I felt a deep need to share this in a season where people are busy spending money they don’t have to do things that don’t need to be done for people who don’t really care and don’t really need what they are running crazy to do. Stop it!
Give your love to those you see when you walk outside your door. Give your time to someone who is lonely and sad. Give your heart to every animal you meet. Give your kindness and consideration to someone who needs them…perhaps yourself. Give your good wishes and cheer to those who are overworked and harried because we believe we must go crazy this time of year to prove our love and friendship in so many toxic ways. Then we can all truly have Peace on Earth. Namaste!”
Dolphin Hug 