December 14

LOVE MONTH: DAY 14:

“And, in the end

The love you take

is equal to the love you make.” ― Paul McCartney

I know one thing for sure. When I am in fear and that is all I can hold to my life, there is nothing that can breach that wall. I lived like that for so long, even into this recovery thing.

I kept daring the Creator to show me how to let go of that fear; and one day it felt like the sun came out to shine on me. Reminder, I lived in the Palm Springs desert area for most of those early years (or in Tempe, AZ). The sun shines about 360 days a year there!

But I FELT it for the first time, it seemed. I do not remember the magic formula that kept the fear from running my life and thinking, but I do remember how it felt when it lifted.

There were so many moments of miraculous love before that day; but the day the fear was not in charge was quite memorable, even though I did not make note of the specific date.

It was all a feeling. And a series of things had happened that did not rule my life that day, even though they were scary and I did not like them. There was more gratitude and love in my heart than there was fear. It happened!…

And I have never been the same again. I still feel fear at times. I still wake up most mornings with the screaming purple monkeys telling me NOT to do my writing or my meditation or my yoga or any of the practices that have shaped my life as it is today. BUT, they do not rule…they seldom EVER get their way. I just listen and laugh and do what I do.

This is important, because I kept waiting for life to change to suit me better. It never did. I learned to accommodate my life AS IT IS and to be grateful for all of it, no matter what the monkeys scream and no matter how I FEEL about it or what I THINK about it.

So, I make love in my life. I make love with every dog I encounter, because they matter more than just about anything else I can imagine. I make love with everyone I get to meet and speak with. It is funny how that goes. Yesterday, it meant I helped a little girl at the beach find a fossil rock when we were out hiking and finding seaglass. She loved it! And I brought her a great one I found down the beach as I passed by her again. And I took some time to talk with a couple who are new at this thing. They did not know about the moonstones on the beach here. They thanked me for being so kind and sharing that with them.

What I have is love and a heart and time…the most precious gifts we ever receive from anyone or give to anyone. I make love with whomever and whatever I encounter on my way through the days. And I know it when it happens, because we smile and know…that was love just now…did you feel it too? And the world is a bit shinier and we all feel a bit better.

When I have lots of money, I have a great time spending it…right now it isn’t here to be spent. So, I spend all the love and time I can…without letting anyone know that is what I am doing…and yet, we still know. I happen to love being on the beach looking for (and finding!) seaglass…I do it for long hours and walk 5 or 6 or 8 miles at a time. How cool to share that love with others, because I get so filled up. And, like Mr. McCartney says, you get what you give and then you get even more! Isn’t that wonderful?!?