LOVE MONTH: DAY 13: “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” ― Elie Wiesel
We have all felt indifferent toward life. I have felt a great love for life, and most of the time, that is my default setting now. This was not always the case.
I have been terrified of life and have gotten through many days when I had little hope that I would feel any greater happiness or joy. Even in recovery, there have been times when I felt dismal and bleak and unsure what was going to shift my life into a different place.
What I know about those times is that I was ripening somehow. That may seem like a weird word to use, but ripen is what happened. I became seasoned and respectful of the process of becoming happy. It was not about a new job or a new man or a new house (some of you know how much I have moved around!). It was not about receiving money or losing money or any of those factors. It was about my ripening time.
I was becoming more fully Kelly. I don’t know how to explain fully, but life did not quite fit me at those times. I was shifting into a different me. Today I feel ripe…I am not afraid, even when the same circumstances or blah might hit me, I know it is just the way it is supposed to be. I accept the flat days along with the bouncy days.
Life is up and down and sometimes goes so fast I am dizzy…yeah, but my hair got dark, no longer blonde…haha! And I never felt HATE for life, but I did feel uncertain, fearful, perhaps indifferent. I just did not feel very hopeful. I am even uncomfortable writing this piece, and have started to erase it twice, but feel the need to continue, so I will.
I have felt indifference for people, although I really love most of them. Again, some people have frightened me, their energy was mean or cruel. I do not understand others’ need to hurt each other.
I have never felt indifferent about art. I was raised in a very artistic environment and taught about art and music and dance all my life. They are great passions for me. I either like, or dislike, art.
I understand the part of the opposite of faith, although I believe even fear is the faith that I am doomed. I have felt that, most assuredly.
But this thing with life, the walking death that is indifference, is so over-diagnosed as depression in today’s world. I truly believe we all have those blah days. It is part of the cycle. I can tell you that I get very blah in the winter, even though I live in a place where the sun shines about 340 days of the year. I get blah when there is no sun.
Yet, I understand the need we all have for down time. Many of us get sick because we don’t give it to ourselves often enough. We need rest and exercise in balance, we need both equally.
Yet, I don’t hate life when I feel like I need a down day or a few hours of not being my normally bouncy self. I still do things, I just don’t have a great deal of physical energy…my light goes out. I hardly ever get sick, but I know that I have when I have pushed my body too hard and too far for too long.
Sometimes our health issues will force us to stop and pay attention to other parts of our lives that we have refused to address and tend to. I have had that happen also. Some of my blah days are brought on by feelings and issues I want to ignore or shove under the carpet. Yeah, let me rephrase that one…ALL of my blah days are like that.
So, we get to have up and down, high and low; and, for me, the swings are less frequent and much less radical than they once were. That is the ripening part I am talking about. Some of you may say it is maturity, but that is a different thing to me. I am not indifferent to life, I just know what it means for me, and I less often need to do it publicly or have other’s approval. If I am happy, that is enough.
Dolphin Hug 