LOVE MONTH: DAY 11: “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” ― Paulo Coelho
All we do is walk forward, into healing, into light, into love. There is no way to fail if we are walking forward.
When we step back into the fear and the familiar old ways, we are falling down in our quest for healing and love. We are not doomed to keep going down the rabbit hole; but we can be so arrogant that we are not able to admit our mistakes and need to ride them all the way down.
The lessons we get along the way can either inform us or we can blame them for what we do. When I am a victim of life and its events, I am stuck in the pit of despair from which I cannot ascend. That is the trouble with addiction.
We believe that things are never going to get any different or better or that we are being abandoned by life because we are unworthy and undeserving. I watch people struggle with the simplest of things here and fight for their right to remain stuck and unhappy because they did not come up with the solutions others may offer.
So much ego…so much fear. The only antidote is love. Always love. Kindness can decimate fear, totally obliterate the ego. And yet we act like others have an agenda when they offer to walk beside you as you heal. You gotta get off your ass and do the walking, but so many lovely people will step in and walk with you.
I remember an old guy in a meeting when I was around 90 days into this deal and thinking I was well on my way to well…(hahaha!), and he told me that “In recovery, we walk with you into the gates of Hell if you want to stay sober; but if you need to drink, we will let you go to Hell alone.”
Not everyone gets that, but I sure did. As much as the screaming purple monkeys tell me I want this or that thing or person or millions of dollars (now there’s the solution!), I have only wanted one thing to the depth of my soul…to be here and stay.
That is all. The rest is experience. And I have had some interesting experiences. And met some amazing people, who have loved me, even when we did not get along, I knew their love. It has healed me when I felt as broken as I could ever get.
I have talked about my old Fat Freddy poster with Freewheelin’ Franklin: “Times of dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.” It hangs in my laundry room…have always been a huge FF fan! But it is crossed out at the “dope” and says “God” instead. And I can easily see that LOVE could replace it as well.
I know that God is love. I can see it in the magnificent things that are created all around me. I stand in awe of the creation I get to witness when I pay attention. The ocean…I can honestly say that it always takes my breath away…every single time I see it. Its immensity, its power, its rage, its peace, the astonishing way the tides and the seasons are in sync with the planets and everything ever created. And then there are trees, so many different ones, perfect for the environments where they grow and for the world and flowers…all of this amazing beauty is created in love.
I have about 20 or 25 different kinds of flowers growing in my little garden, along with lots of groceries. And each of them are propagated in a different way…it is amazing…some come from bulbs and bloom in the spring, others are seasonal and came from starts of a branch…others are year-round and start from seed…this is all love!
I can tell I am scattered in several areas today. It is because my heart is full of love and I am working to find the words to talk about it. All I can say is, the words cannot begin to say what my heart wants to tell you, but it will never stop trying.
Dolphin Hug 