LOVE MONTH: DAY 7: “I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.” ― Neil Gaiman
I use this quote every year. I like it. This year I am going to contrast it, rather than support it with my writing. The reason is simple. School cannot teach these things. Life is the classroom we get to attend. This is the stuff life teaches us, but that we can’t really get from books or any other way.
Each time I love someone, I learn better. Each partner or friend or family member or recovery program member is different and my love for them is a progressive thing. Also, as I grow in this deal, love takes on new and improved (I believe) aspects for me.
I am only famous in my own mind. There are some great teachers about that. We choose how that works if we become famous. I know many addicts who are legends in their own mind, but few that are famous. There are, however, quite a few who are famous and then recognize their addictions. I think that is a great lesson to observe and learn from.
Rich and poor are constructs we all get to determine for ourselves. By most standards, I have been both. I did not understand the depth and beauty of life nearly as well when I was richer than I am now. Being less well-endowed financially has been a great teacher about values. I consider myself much richer today than I was with lots of financial wherewithal. This is a great lesson also. But it must be experientially learned, just like love and fame.
There is no way to learn to walk away from someone you need to leave. This, too, is a great experience when it happens. Whether it is about “loving” them any longer, I will decline to comment upon. This is a different experience for each of us, along with it being different each time we must do it for ourselves.
Letting go is what we have the greatest difficulty with, as I see it. After all, we did not love our drugs and alcohol for quite a long time and were totally unable to leave them behind as well. Right?
And no one will ever know how to read another person’s mind. It might be possible, over many years, to guess close to the mark; but I believe the most important interaction we learn is to COMMUNICATE…face-to-face, with words, not guessing what someone is thinking. This is going to be the greatest downfall of our culture with technology. Communicating cannot be done with texts or tweets or with any other form of media intervention. It needs to happen face to face.
We learn to talk to others as we progress through this world. When one person is dying, it will be a different conversation than when another person is. Why? Because of our relationship to that person. I have worked with so many dying people; some of whom were beloved to me, some I did not know. It is a personal experience and needs to be handled with each one as they see fit. It is THEIR dying process. Ask them what they need from you. They often know and will tell you. If they don’t, it IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!! I have seen some horrible responses to this…incredibly selfish and self-centered. Be mindful and let them know you care. That is enough…we are all going here.
School isn’t teaching us to do life. Life is teaching us to do life. School is where we learn enough to be employed and make money to pay for the things we want to do in life. How that works is actually different for each of us. Make sure you are choosing what your life is looking like and LOVE it…it is the only one you get!
Dolphin Hug 