December 3

LOVE MONTH: DAY 3: “I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like, but I know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will not ask, ‘How many good things have you done in your life?’ rather he will ask, ‘How much love did you put into what you did?” ― Mother Teresa

It doesn’t matter if we are bank presidents or bank robbers, if what we do is done with love. I truly understand the dynamic of this quote and believe in its truth.

What can be interesting is our definition of “LOVE.” Most often, we are talking about our dysfunctional way of interacting with the people in our world.

Toxic love is one of the things we see in families around addiction and codependence. It is the manipulative, controlling, demanding and needy way we interface with the world to get our selfish needs met. Most of us are from these kinds of families. I believe we live in this kind of culture. It is socially acceptable and sometimes applaudable that we do things for others that are less than loving with no conditions.

It is not okay to feed a hungry street person if the agenda is to make them like you or to get them to do what you think they should be doing. We have great social programs that are not working, because we expect these unfortunate souls to do what makes us most comfortable, not what is truly in their hearts to do. That is assuming we have better information about them than they do!

Families force their agendas on each other all the time. Parents control and browbeat their children into being what they want them to be, even at the risk of the children being miserable doing it. We all come here to be and do what we are going to be and do. There is no information that any parent or member of society has that is more important than what is in the heart of the child.

No matter how old I get, I will never know what is best for you. It is not my business or in my job description as a friend, lover, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, or any other role I may have, even that of a counselor or therapist. If I do what is right for ME to do, I am teaching you how to access your heart and find your journey there.

Any mistakes you feel that are made are vital to your growth and development. Being hurt is part of life, I cannot and will not protect you from that. BUT…I can show you great love while you are hurt or happy, angry or sad, full of joy or sorrow, elated or blue.

If you ask me for my opinion, I may give it, but I will not tell you what to do, how to do it, or what to wear while doing it. I will explore whatever options I may have in mind during that discussion, but it will always come back to what you are feeling and thinking about the situation. Your prices will be paid by you, so ownership is totally on you.

This is what we are here to teach each other. I have guidelines and boundaries I will use in the relationship I have with you. If those are violated, I am going to leave that setting and move on. It doesn’t mean I don’t like or love you, it means my job is to love me first. In doing that, I am going to be an advocate for healthy boundaries and guidelines. They are my prerogative and my job in the relationship, along with honoring whatever guidelines and boundaries you may have set.

So, when we do something with great love, as Mother Theresa indicates, we must do it with no strings attached, no expectations, nor agendas. That means for fun and for free, as Chuck C. spoke of so well. I love you, for fun and for free. If there is anything I can give you or do for you, it is yours. Very simple. And there is no debt or IOU for you in the doing. Unconditional…that is the only way love is really love. Everything else is just a set of shackles…no thanks!