GRATITUDE MONTH: DAY 18: “Each day brings new opportunities, allowing you to constantly live with love—be there for others—bring a little light into someone’s day. Be grateful and live each day to the fullest.” ― Roy T. Bennett (Dedicated today to my love, Jose, who returned to recovery on this date in 1997…my life was changed…again! I miss you every day!)
We are prone, being ego-based individuals, to take so much of life for granted. Many things can help us to focus more on each precious moment of this life, but it can be challenging in the world where technology and constant distractions live.
I ask folks to set down their phones for 3-4 hours each day and let the messages pile up…now try it for 6-8 hours…and they look at me like I have four heads! Some of us can remember when there were no phones to carry on us all the time, no computers or technology of any sort that interrupted us during meals (which we usually ate with the family!), during private and important times in our lives, during conversations that were important or just casual, and so on.
Mindfulness is tough when our culture pushes us to multi-task and do 3 or 4 things at once. We cannot do what is quoted above when we are so busy running hither and yon and missing important opportunities to connect with life and other human beings. This was intensely clear for me when my husband was dying. I celebrate his anniversary of his return to recovery (which first began in 1979), because it changed my life too.
We got to practice intense mindfulness each day after he was told of his terminal illness and given a sentence of 6 months. This is what happens when you decide to embrace each moment of each day and give it an intense value that you might not have had on your days before that. We did. It is excruciating and astonishing at the same time…very poignant.
And we were present to so many lovely people and times. He was someone who touched others with love for many years, but we got to do some incredible things during his dying. I am forever changed by that experience with a sense of what is and is not of value in life.
These lessons are given to each of us in turn. Who can add one extra moment to their life by wishing for it? None. But we can make our moments count a great deal more by paying attention to them and thanking that Creative Power for all of them, one at a time. Life takes on a deep and profound meaning that is hard to find any other way.
If I act like I am seeing you for the last time each time we meet, it is because I will never take that for granted again. I am going to be very present to you, as best I can, for the love and companionship you give. This is the vow I made to myself during that time. I give the same vow to each of those who are precious to me.
I will never be “too busy” to sit with my beloveds. I will give you as much of my attention as you will allow and I will remember the sacred context of our meeting together and hope that it is NOT the last time, but act as if it were.
I have written before of our daily practice (mine and Jose’s) of saying to each other “It is a good day to die” each morning we were together. That is true. When I live into that, I am present and awake for all of it. On the day he died, a book I was reading THAT DAY had the following line at the top of the page I was to read first when I opened it THAT NIGHT…”’It is a good day to die’ would come to symbolize the spectacular heroism of the macho Plains warrior.” It freaked me out and I threw the book across the room! But I knew he was telling me one last time.
What are you giving today to another? The greatest gift ever is the totality of your attention, time, love and presence. There is nothing else. Deeply listen and breathe and be HERE now for them. It matters, it always matters. For knowing this deep truth, and the man who taught it to me, I am eternally grateful!
Dolphin Hug 