October 24

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 24: Some form of self-discipline is necessary to transmute material desires into spiritual aspirations. – Paramahansa Yogananda

I have always had material desires. When I was a baby, like most people, I would grab everything to see what it was…usually put it in my mouth. This is healthy growth development and part of our natural learning curve as we grow.

To keep doing this long into adulthood is not healthy. We have very few actual needs for material objects. Shelter, food, clothing and that is about it.

We don’t need the biggest house on the block, that is all ego and Western marketing at its finest. We also don’t need a new car every two years, or even the most expensive and shiniest. We don’t need closets full of clothes and shoes; but most of us covet them and work to get them. Then we are on to the next shiny things…a never-ending cycle of get and get and get and get and get.

We use a lot of these objects to satisfy and gratify spiritual hunger or emotional hunger. We feel inadequate, ashamed, sad, lonely, hurt, angry and use these things to cover that feeling. We eat to stave off loneliness and sadness or to celebrate everything. Having a birthday, eat! Getting married, eat! And spend tons of money on presents and to have a big party for others to see how great you are at spending tons of money…okay!

Inside our hearts is an emptiness that cannot be filled with any of these things. That hole is only able to be filled with spiritual ways of being. Going from the mindset of bigger, better and more is the longest journey we get to take in recovery…the ONLY journey we are here to take.

I am very interested in how many folks will tell you how well their recovery is working, based on the job they have, the car they drive, the new house they got, the clothes they wear, the jewelry they have on, and the face lifts, tucks, sucks and plucks they are sporting. They talk about their vacations, their travels, their acquisitions and how busy they are.

Their sense of wellness is also based in what schools their kids attend, how large their college funds are, buying everything they desire…bigger, better, and more of it!

Interesting…but that has nothing to do with recovery. What is horrifying is what happens to these folks when those things get removed or when they are faced with death and losing things that cannot be purchased with any color of credit card, no matter what your stock portfolio looks like. And then it is time for the spiritual side of their lives to kick in. This is where the rubber truly meets the road.

Transmutation is a concept of death to one thing in order to birth another. The phoenix can only arise from its dying. So, that way of life must die to allow for the birth of the spirit.

I have had the incredible pleasure to sit with many people in their last and final moments. Never once have they regretted not working enough or buying enough or living in a larger home. Never once have they been saddened at how young they look as they are dying, nor the balance of their bank accounts. Their possession of a gold or black credit card, their education or status in their jobs, none of these are concerns in those final days.

What they regret are the words they never shared, the things they left unexpressed to those they loved. They regret those acts that could have made someone’s day a bit easier, the time they did not invest in their relationships with loved ones. Sometimes they express regret at not leaving more behind to take care of them, only because this is another construct of our Western culture and its focus on material objects.

The greatest gift we get from others who pass on is the memory of times we spent with them that were fun and loving. Seldom does it matter that the meal we shared cost hundreds of dollars. A good hotdog or taco can mean just as much.

The greatest gift we can ever give another human being is our regard, our presence, our single-minded focus on them. Seeing them, hearing them, loving them, praising them, listening and not judging; allowing them, without correction; acceptance of such a deep and pure state that they are forever safe in your presence.

None of this can happen without us having first transmuted that material world for the spiritual. We cannot give what we have not given first to ourselves. We cannot unconditionally love and accept anyone until we have learned to do that with ourselves. This is the purpose and the gift of a beautiful thing called recovery.

Nowhere in the literature and foundation of recovery are we asked to achieve greater status of a social or career nature. It does not matter what we do, where we do it, or how it unfolds; if we do those things with love and a sense of acceptance of the Power that created it all.

The times that are the most challenging are there to teach us to move away from all that is of a baser, ego-driven nature to the spirit, always to the spirit. And that is the discipline and the beauty and the purpose of all 12 of these amazing steps.