DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 16: “Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not. It is the first lesson that ought to be learned and however early a man’s training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly.” ― Thomas Henry Huxley
And it is seldom forgotten. The power of getting past an uncomfortable or undesirable task is wonderful!
My first amends happened by mistake. I did not set out to do it, but I was sort of willing. So happy, because it went well and I felt inspired to be less concerned with some of the others.
The first time I had to work with step 10, it was powerful, because I had to actually say those dreaded words…” I was wrong.” Ugh!
This is still challenging, because I have an ego the size of this county and it always tells me I am right! And I don’t need to clean up this situation or that situation…blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter. I have to remember that my ego is working overtime to keep me all alone and that it is the only source of happiness and success available to me.
Recovery happens in community. Addiction isolates us from one-another and tells us lies so we can stay in its grip. Just because we are not actively using or drinking doesn’t mean addiction has been held at bay…it has not.
So I want to be clear that those things I don’t want to do are the first things I will do and get them out of the way so I may freely be present to the rest of my life. I cannot be as long as there is unfinished business on my plate.
I cannot be doing more than one thing at a time. I am either recovering and making strides in that direction, or I am sliding back into the muck where ego lives and breathes and runs my life. It sucks! So I am disciplined to do the tough stuff right away so I can truly be present for the fun stuff later.
I have always had a good work ethic. This applies to my personal life as well as my career world. I do what needs to be done before I get to go out and do those things that I want to do more.
I don’t enjoy my beach walks when I know I am avoiding a task I have put off because the choice is mine. That is really an immature way to live, and I am tired of being a petulant and unhappy two-year old. I am old enough to know better. True recovery comes when I do it without having to be told what the right thing is. I am grateful when I know what the next indicated thing is for me; and somehow, I almost always do today.
I know what my responsibilities are and how to navigate the performance of those things so that I feel good about how I spend my time and energy and that I am mindful and present to all of it. It makes life feel richer and fuller and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined it being. Yay!
Self-worth and self-esteem are things I did not know came after the work. I thought I would loll around, feeling sorry for myself, and would be more motivated when I had better self-worth and self-esteem. Like it was a vitamin deficiency or something. Today I am happy that I get to know that these things are the by-products of living like a grown up and taking responsible action all the time, not just when others are looking. Yay again!
Dolphin Hug 