October 8

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 8: “We have an obligation to ourselves to foster the environment that allows for our self-actualization. Rather than my gifts serving me, I must serve them. I want to be a steward of the best aspects of my character and assist them in their fulfillment through proper discipline and habits.” ― Chris Matakas

This quote is a new one for me this month. I REALLY love the sense of responsibility it grants ME to be the guardian of my own well-being and environment. Everything about it sparks my sense of personal responsibility for who I am and what I do and how I do it.

We have lived for so long being subjected to our defects and living within the framework of the past. What if we dropped those shackles and live freely from the space of who we came here to be. The Creator had a purpose for us. When we remain stuck in the story of what happened to us and how that unfolded, we remain captive to that time and space.

I know people (I call them leaders and heroes) who have broken free of those bonds and become movers and shakers for their own and others development, enlightenment and growth.

If I am to serve my gifts, it means I have to see ALL of my life as a giant gift…some of it was wrapped in very interesting paper, smelled like shit and so I called it “bad”. It was a gift, all of it! From the ground of whence I came is the strength I have grown to rely on to overcome and transcend ANYTHING!

I have a sense of purpose and freedom that is second to none, because I have been given the grace and the tools to walk away free!

So if I discipline my life to be the best Kelly I can be, I must become responsible to both that Kelly and my Creator to shine…really shine…and never need to reflect off of another’s light; but shine with the full knowledge that I was given one of my own.

I do want to be the steward of the best aspects of my character and allow them to live in the world in full view of you and you and you and you. Isn’t that the best possible example of how this whole thing works?

I am really loving this quote today! It so fits with what was present for me all morning after my sit. I got to be one with the idea that my addict ego is the creator of the lie that I am helpless and weak and should walk in fear all the time, or I will get hurt.

The lie that life is scary and painful and damaging and out to get me. That I am a victim of life and always will be and cannot ever escape that fate. The lie that gives me the power to become my own perpetrator of lies and further abuse and denies me a good and happy life. This is the only role of the addict ego. It is there to take charge of my life and keep me from everyone and everything while it runs my life into the ground and destroys all that is good and fine; blaming it on everyone else in the process.

I have listened to these lies for too long! I have let this monster destroy my happiness and health and love.

Today I am feeling at one with the Creator who gave me wonderful talents and abilities through those things that my addict ego says were traumas. Today I can see the gifts and let go of the story about them and live in the strength and passion they brought to me.

I can let go of those old ideas of the addict ego and live fully in the light of my Creator and me…I am a being of light and love and hope and faith and beauty.

None of those lies that addict ego told me have ever served my highest self or you or you or you. Those lies only exist to hide me away and keep me in fear and darkness and break my wild, wild heart. Not today!