DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 4: “Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.” ― Abraham Joshua Heschel
And, I am going to say, learning to receive “no” from other places without stomping our feet and acting like a two-year-old. Our sense of maturity is one of the last things we develop here. Being an adult means that we learn to accept that life is going to be life, no matter how hard we fight it.
Life does not care how we feel about it, whether we are mad or happy. It just happens until one day it doesn’t. That is what we must accept. There will be times of great resources for some of us and times of no resources. I have seen this straight-across the board.
One of the biggest challenges I have seen is for those who have been in long-term relationships to navigate the world without that sense of backup, emotional, physical, financial and material. There is a big shift in lifestyles and resources after the end of a partnership.
There is also the end of a career that has kept us on the go for a long time. We are focused and busy with the work and all it entails. Then it is not a part of our life and we have to shift into another space with our time and focus.
These are the challenges of life. My story was getting used to having a relationship with someone who wanted to co-habit (!) after I had been terminally single for 45 years…yikes! That shift was interesting, and it put me into another whole realm of recovery. Then he died within a short period and another shift was made.
Step 10 is about a daily practice of looking at my life and how I am navigating the daily changes that life brings. If I am stomping my feet and throwing temper tantrums about how my life is unfolding, I am likely to find myself very thirsty or in need of narcotic intervention soon.
I have to see what story I am creating and how dramatically involved I am in the story, or I am doomed to live it out to the bitter end. There is no plot where I am the victim of another assault by the Universe or the Power that runs it. I have always been pretty sure that was the case.
This was a powerful lesson for me in the last few years. And continues to be so. We are born and stuff happens until the day we die. Twelve step recovery (my personal favorite!) means that I get to look at all of it with a new pair of glasses, shift MY attitudes about life and learn to be happy NO MATTER WHAT! Oh! Even when my ass falls off and I am filled with fear and certainty that nothing will ever go right in my life again…REALLY?????!
I must feel the feelings, do the work to honor them and go on…through the fear and through the BS my crazy addict mind gives me and find the solutions…usually in doing something contrary to what I am thinking, which is probably so self-centered that it sucks anyway! UGH!
So I crawl out of my self-imposed slime and move into life again. It is only in the stream of daily life that I can be of service to others, be amongst my people, do what the Universe is lining up for me to do, and practice some kind of spiritual program. And miracles occur, and I move into this day and not projecting my shit onto everything in the world around me and the future.
Today I am challenged with walking through things I would rather not. They have been buried for a really long time, I was okay with that. But I am experiencing a new freedom and a new happiness around this, so I will keep going…it is what I have learned to do.
Thank you, Creator, for your love and support and grace and guidance as I move into the next baby step.
Dolphin Hug 