October 3

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 3:

“Discipline

I am old and I have had

more than my share of good and bad.

I’ve had love and sorrow, seen sudden death

and been left alone and of love bereft.

I thought I would never love again

and I thought my life was grief and pain.

The edge between life and death was thin,

but then I discovered discipline.

I learned to smile when I felt sad,

I learned to take the good and the bad,

I learned to care a great deal more

for the world about me than before.

I began to forget the “Me” and “I”

and joined in life as it rolled by:

this may not mean sheer ecstasy

but is better by far than “I” and “Me.” ― Meryl Gordon

This made me think really hard when I found it last week. We all have stages of development that are not in process when we are loaded. So the stage of life that is completely self-centered seems to last for lifetimes in addicts. We have to really fight to get past that stage. We all know folks in their 50s and 60s and beyond who are severely stuck in “I” and “Me.”

What this talks about is learning about how life takes place for all of us. None of us are singled out for special attention or punishment. As we begin to see ourselves as part of community, rather than a solo performer; we can identify that all of us have heartbreak and grief and pain, along with happiness and well-being and miracles.

As I see it, the steps are guides to growing up! None of us addicts had anything even close to maturity of thinking or behavior when we got here. We get to grow into adults here, and this is the process. The discipline of the steps is like the discipline we have to take out into the world to perform as adults. When we maintain our self-centered and juvenile attitudes and behaviors, we are like what a friend of mine reports: “A meeting is like Romper Room for people with wrinkles.” Those who do not know what Romper Room is, sorry…a children’s show from the 1960s; for tiny tots.

What I know is this: There is always someone having a worse or better day than I. It is my job to just be authentic with my experience and move on. There is not time for self-centered self-pity. Life is in session for all of us. Rather than look at what is missing and cry, I want to look at what is here and express my joy and happiness in it that I may fully participate in what IS, not what is NOT.

That takes a great deal of discipline. Along with that, I have to maintain my attitudes and behavior as an adult…trust me, this is not the same as being serious and grim. It is about taking responsibility to recognize that everything in my life is so perfect I can only gasp in awe.

What I shine my focus on will grow…my appreciation becomes more of the things I learn to love…I am in constant and continuous awe of the loving hand I see guiding my life when I am not demanding that I get my way. When I allow myself to relax and enjoy the flow, like jumping into a river that is flowing along, I am astonished at how beautifully it unfolds into things that make me happy and free and able to just BE.