September 30

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 30: “Freedom is a possession of inestimable value.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

Interesting quote from an interesting man who lived in an interesting time….no? I think so too. As the last of the freedom writings, I would like to extoll the idea of freedom in ways other than the political or national way that most of us are taught to think about it.

There is the freedom that comes when we leave the confines of a relationship, such as leaving home for the first time and living without parental rules and restrictions or responsibilities. Some of us go right into another form of relationship with another set of those rules and responsibilities. Some of us go into a completely formless type of lifestyle (that was my method!), and some of us go into a military setting or a jail setting or a college setting.

Whichever way it worked out, think about how that impacted your future career as an addict. It probably meant that there was a tremendous desire for wild behavior, because the imposed rules and responsibilities were seemingly behind us. We do not like rules or restrictions or responsibility at all! I know nearly everyone I have ever met did leave the family home in some way mentioned above and was off the hook wild for at least a while.

Some of us may have maintained a more grown up existence for a bit, but at some point, the majority of us rebelled when we could and how we could.

That kind of freedom will kill us! And what is really interesting is the mindset we have about what constitutes freedom. We believe that we can do whatever we want without consequences and without paying those prices our families may have absorbed for far too long to allow us to remain free from the consequences. After a certain time, this is called enabling, not freedom!

So we have an interesting view of what freedom really means. What most of us do not understand is the concept of freedom of choice. This is not a political issue or social issue, until we make it so.

Freedom of choice gives me the option to do any kind of work I want, if I am willing to do what is needed to obtain that work. I can have any kind of house I want, if I am willing to do what is needed to obtain the house. I can drive any kind of car I want, if I am willing to do whatever that entails. I can go anywhere I want to go, if I am mindful of the rules and conditions that apply to my being there. And I can be single or married or divorced or whatever I choose, as long as I am willing to do what it takes to be those things.

Freedom of choice means I can be loaded or not, and be happy or not. How that works is I have to be willing to be congruent with those things that are going to create recovery and happiness. I have had so many, many great teachers in this deal! I have learned so much about how they achieved the happiness and lives they had. I have tried a lot of crazy things here; but I am also mindful that I tried some REALLY crazy shit to stay loaded, too!

So I am free to work 12 steps or not, free to continue to work them over and over or not, free to do this writing or not, free to be happy or not. If something feels good to me, deep down, I am likely going to do it more than once and may need an intervention to keep me from doing it all the time!

That is my experience here with the kind of freedom I have received in steps 4-9. Although the others are just as impactful, I do not think I can survive on merely working 10-12 for the rest of my life. Not that I don’t do them as well; but I believe it is 4-9 that straighten me out the most. I seem to cycle into and through them a couple of times a year. What a gift! I am not sicker than anyone, just insistent on getting the most bang for my buck!

I want super-recovery, the most I can have! I have always been an addict with that kind of mindset…why would it change here? It has not! So I have to do what gives me the best life ever! And I do…and that is the kind of freedom I was always looking for!