FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 28: “Pain is a pesky part of being human, I’ve learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.”
― C. JoyBell C.
This quote rocks! For several reasons, I think… first of all because it talks well about healing and the journey THROUGH pain, not around, under, running from or avoiding, but THROUGH.
My experience with pain is that it comes not from the life event or situation that is occurring in my life, but in direct connection with my denial of that event or situation and my resistance to it. Dr. Paul wrote so beautifully about acceptance. When I am in acceptance, there is little pain. I might not be the happiest camper at the campfire, but I am not in pain.
And in feeling my pain, I get the full spectrum of experience of all other feelings. I can feel everything she listed and happiness and joy as well. And there is one thing this woman loves…that is the wind in my face! Oh yeah! Put me on the bow of the boat every time!
When I can express my emotions fully (to myself) and walk with them and sit with them, I have absolute freedom! Then I need to look at the story of why I think outside situations cause feelings. They don’t. They merely remind me of what my mind is telling me, some story going on, usually nothing important, but I can destroy my life and everyone’s life around me with the story and my whining.
And the pain is my construct anyway! Look at how long I swore I would NEVER get over some event or situation in my life and how quickly I was willing to drop it when something else came along. Easily distracted, that’s me!
So, I have not yet learned to live completely pain free. I still have attachments to many things, old ideas that I have learned to recognize and lots of things that are less than what I want. Recovery gives me many options for healing the things in my life that have created pain for me and others. It is my job here to find the path through the pain to the other side.
My journey is consistently through…and then I get to see that the only pain is caused by my resistance and by my refusal to deal with the things that are right in front of me. I always want to sidestep recovery and focus on what I call “fun”, but are almost always empty distractions. I have found that I will use empty distractions until I see the emptiness. Now I have the pain I have given myself, as well as the guilt and shame I feel for the empty distractions…two messes to clean up!
This is the story of my life for so many, many years. It did not end right away with this work. But I have seen it enough to know its name when it is sitting in my living room with me or on my pillow when I cannot sleep! And I really would love to blame it on you or you or you, but I am the author and the creator of it all! Yikes!
For me, the feeling of wind in my face is the freedom I get when I lay this all down and clean it all up and stop denying and justifying and lying and get into the action of making indicated changes in my life and thinking and behaving. The whining is so unattractive! I am grateful it happens less and less!
Dolphin Hug 