FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 19: “Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.” ― C. JoyBell C.
The freedom I have received from learning (Course in Miracles & A New Pair of Glasses) that it is none of my business what you think of me is priceless! And it allows me to fully embrace the spiritual process of making amends, because I have no agenda at the end of it.
Too many of us get caught up in having a specific outcome for our amends. We believe it is supposed to go a certain way with those with whom we make them. That is not the case and we need to know that before we begin.
I will always be amazed at how many of us cannot tolerate the idea of being disliked or even vilified by others, sometimes even those we dislike ourselves. Of course we are people pleasers! Of course we want to be the most popular or most well-liked! Because we have egos the size of the Grand Canyon! (I love to say that mine has its own zip code!)
We are phony and dishonest to others because we want to be liked and bend ourselves into pretzels to make everyone happy so they will think well of us. All I can say is…” STOP IT!” Being authentic is part of the amends process. We cannot be right with others until we begin to be right with our own integrity and honesty.
This is the key to living well and having true friendships, based on mutual respect and honor. If someone is consistently phony with others, I automatically assume they are the same with me. I back off from those people, because I am DONE with that kind of dishonesty. If you are not honest in any area of your life, I doubt your ability to be honest anywhere.
So I have to remember that if I am concerned about someone liking me or not, I am wasting my time. I have no time for the social games people play that do not feed my spirit. Hence my tendency to hang out with animals as much as possible.
I have never wondered if a dog or any other animal likes me. They do or they don’t. There is no pretense in animals. Life is simple for them…no BS or phoniness.
And the only way for me to continue to have respect for myself is to remain honest and integral with others. I have to occasionally spend time with those I am not especially fond of. I have learned to befriend those traits in them that I respect and admire and praise and focus on those qualities. I find this is a great way to get along with them. I do not consider them friends, but associates with whom I must spend time.
The most important thing about this whole deal is that I do not believe we can have a real relationship with ourselves or with a Higher Power until we let go of the social masks that keep us locked into an inauthentic way of being in the world. We always know, deep in our hearts, when we are being phony and there is no room for God when that is taking place.
Dolphin Hug 