FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 17: “You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” ― Toni Morrison
I always wanted to fly…my whole life. Still do. It would be so amazing to soar like a hawk or falcon. So fast! Kind of like an owl, too…they are so silent and sneak up on their prey. I am not now, and probably will never be, quiet enough to sneak up on anybody. I would probably have to stop talking and bouncing to be stealthy.
But I love this quote because there is so much that we carry on our own shoulders. And NO ONE else put it there! We pick up shit like regret and anger and resentment and guilt and shame and carry them like they are badges we have earned in this life. They have no useful purpose for ANYONE, especially us! It is all ego to do this!
I am not guilty of anything, and when I have been, I have owned my shit and walked into the places where I could clean it up. DONE! I have no regrets, because I honestly accept that I have always done the best I could with what I had and will continue to absolve myself of needless crap like regretting any part of my life.
Resentments are so stupid and cause us so much trouble that we have a whole damned step for them! And they really are stupid and toxic and ridiculous! Get the hell over it and get on with living…right? So I don’t carry them around.
Shame…now there is a biggie…it killed me so many, many times. I never knew if I should introduce myself by saying: Hi, my name is Kelly and I am ashamed (or sorry!) UGH!!! This is often more based in our social fiber than we want to see, but still an unnecessary burden we carry for WAY too long like it is a treasure. Let it all go…now, please!
So, truth is, my burdens are few…I travel pretty light these days. Not too many ghosts or boogey men in my entourage, so I can be as free as I want to be. We all can. Letting go of the damage I have done is as simple as this step can be. I MUST make it right with the harmed parties, but I also MUST move forward and embrace the life I have been given. To do anything else is a form of emotional and spiritual suicide. No one wants this kind of martyrdom from me or you or anyone else.
I am not responsible for carrying the burden of other people’s resentments. I had a difficult time with this one. I used to believe I had to carry their burden for them, since I “caused” them their trouble. I am so grateful for the “mean-Allene”, my beloved sponsor who taught me that I make amends, but lay down that person’s burden immediately after.
She used to tell me, “Honey, when it comes to resentments, it is better to give than receive.” What she meant is that I am not responsible for how others respond to my actions, behaviors or life. They get to do what they get to do and feel whatever they want. If I, Kelly, believe I have done them harm, I MUST clean it up and lay it down. Oh!
I watch a lot of my friends in prisons who do not know how to ever get through their crimes and what they have done to others. Some of them are big. This is what I strive to continue to teach, not just them, but all of us. Our egos will tell us that we have done and said and been things that are not reparable…it is not true. We are here, sitting in the Grace of our Creator. We cannot spend another moment of our precious lives wallowing in the shit that keeps us tethered to our shame and remorse. We have been given a gift, we must share it and do the work we are here to do. Let’s all just get on with it!
Dolphin Hug 