September 14

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 14: “I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” ― Byron Katie

I started to type YAY here…not a great beginning to a sentence, but this quote really resonates with me today. I have to practice acceptance in my life. I get so balled up in my brain when I do not.

I get to watch things unfold in the lives of others with whom I interface here. It is part of the beauty of fellowship that we are brought together to witness life as it occurs for each other. I can get very caught up in the ego shit we do if I am not focused on my own feet and my own journey and where I am walking.

So I accept what is going on for ME right now, and let you off the hook. That is how it works best. I cannot live comfortably with my judgments of others, although I find that I often have them. Ugh! So I continue to breathe my way back to what is…I inhabit only my own body and let you inhabit yours. And I accept what is going on around me as being none of my business.

This has allowed me to refrain from making amends more often in this deal. I do not feel the need to tell you what I think and pretend that I am telling you what I feel.

I also do not judge my own journey as it unfolds. I am capable of having bad, good, sad, happy, boring, long, short, angry, crying and a million other things go on within a few moments of each other, if I begin to label and judge life.

I also don’t always know what “reality” is, but I have a feeling it is not what I first believe to be true. That is abundantly apparent when I see how much I have been off base when I think I know what is going on and what it all means. I long for the knowledge that life is best when I quit analyzing and forcing my will on it and working so hard to make “what is” different because it doesn’t match my idea of what it should be!

The quote about Acceptance in the BB is a frequent read for me…sometimes 3-4 times in an hour! Why? Because I have so many silly ideas of what life is supposed to be and what I am supposed to be and so little understanding of what it all truly IS.

So I have to let go of my agendas, my (I think great!) ideas, and work with what IS. How does this apply to Step 9? Because when I do that, I don’t have to do harmful things to you or to me in my efforts to shift life to accommodate my way of believing. It is the culmination of letting go of my insanity and becoming at peace with you and me and the world where we actually live.

So Freedom, for me, lies in the place where I let go of my ideas, my old ideas, new ideas…ALL ideas and strive to just breathe in this life, one breath at a time, being mindful that I do not create anything except the need for Step 9! Hahahaha…see how clever I am???

Then I can get on with just being happy that it is not my job to figure this shit out…no phone calls from the Universe this morning to give feedback, so I’ll just work my hardest to not screw shit up…okay! That really is freedom from being the kind of Kelly that needs a street sweeper to clear away wreckage!