FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 11: “Start telling the truth now and never stop. Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else. Then tell the truth about yourself to another. Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.” ― Neale Donald Walsch
The truth will certainly set us free. Step 9 is about telling the truth to myself about what I have done and perhaps beginning to understand some of the painful motivation in my behaviors. I am doomed to continue to repeat unacceptable behavior until I see what it serves for me. I will remain selfish as long as I believe I need something that I cannot get unless I take it from you.
So there is a basic belief that my needs will not be met by the Universe unless I get them for myself. I find this to be a powerful motivation for stealing and harming others. And I have to remember to be clear, within myself about what constitutes “needs” and “wants”. They are very different.
If I tell you I need shoes, you might question the truth of that statement. (With good reason!) I happen to be a shoe junkie, so I love shoes! I consider the perfect wardrobe to be about 60-80 pairs of shoes, from knee high boots to short boots, high heels, sandals, hiking boots, walking shoes, tennies, flip flops, etc. All necessary in my book. This is not the same as someone who truly NEEDS shoes, because theirs are worn through, don’t fit properly or they just don’t have any.
The truer statement there is that I want shoes. The part of this quote that I do not really endorse is the part of telling the truth about someone to someone else. That is not my part; nor will it ever be part of a good and honorable recovery from anything.
So, we tell the truth. And we clean up those behaviors that are harming others by telling ourselves the truth about some of the causes and conditions, old ideas and maladaptive thinking behind the things we have done. I am one who must understand these things to see how broken my mind is…then I am best able to find healthier ways of being. This is part of long-term recovery in my book.
Freedom is found when I can see and know my truth and walk through the world in a way that does no harm to me or others. I am not here to live into the expectations of others, because that is harmful to me. I don’t enjoy relationships with people who have agendas that I am not part of forming.
So I tell the truth to myself, and to another. I believe that is perfect freedom! The real work, in my experience, comes when I begin to discover the truth.
I have ALWAYS known what is wrong and right. I knew it from birth and still do. It is written in my heart, not my mind. I don’t “think” about things I need to resolve; I sit with them…I hike on the beach with them, and I garden with them. Quiet hours spent thanking my Creator “for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out.” I don’t ask, I believe I will be led to what is right to do next.
And when making 9th Step amends, I have been absolutely led to do these in wonderful ways with wonderful outcomes. Some of them took nearly 20 years to complete. So my obligation to myself was to commit to very long-term outcomes. This is challenging for an addict, because we want instant answers, instant solutions, instant relief from our confusion. Hahahaha…that is what my early sponsors said to me, and today I understand why.
I can only do today’s work today. Tomorrow’s work is best left for tomorrow. One of my amends came at 23 years of recovery…I understand why that was and is. I have two left for folks I have not been able to find. Men I was involved with when I was crazy in my 20s…I treat all men as if they were those two men and make permanent changes in my behavior accordingly. This is a design for living…one day at a time, for the rest of my life. I have come so far, and I have so far yet to go!
Dolphin Hug 