September 1

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 1: “The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.” ― Albert Einstein

Step 9 is the end of the process, for me, whereby I first tasted freedom in this deal. And I want to be FREE from all those things that kept me locked in addiction…old ideas, resentment, anger, old ways of being dishonest with self and others, all the fear! And looking over my shoulder because I knew there were so many things behind me trying to catch up.

Those things were the guilt and shame I carried, the remorse and regret I walked with daily…and the drugs and booze could no longer kill them off sufficiently for me to be easy within my own skin. Even here, I was still tormented and troubled by so much of my personal history. Today I am free!

Many of us have had things happen to us that were scary to remember, so we chose to shove them down into the soles of our feet. But they cannot be walked off…they have to be healed.

And we have to learn to look at all of it with new eyes. We do not get to continue to live with the lies and deceit that we have carried in our hearts and minds for all the years it took us to get here. Step 9 is all about freedom! I did so much damage to the world around me, sometimes with individuals, but also with my anger and hatred for institutions and groups of people.

They are not dying from my anger and resentment, I AM! So I have to walk through this cleaning up process to get right with the world around me.

This is NOT about apologizing…ever! It is about voicing my wrongs and making things right! Such an important distinction…and so many miss this key to freedom. It is about shifting my perspective to see why me being an asshole is not justifiable or okay. About how my dishonesty with self has led me to be the cause of discomfort and pain for others.

When I believe it is all about the harm YOU have caused ME, I am a self-righteous victim of the world around me…ugh! And when I look at MY part in the things that are painful in my life, I get to see how I have perpetuated this old idea into a way of being that is distasteful and bitter and never conducive to me staying happy, joyous and free!

The free part, for me, leads to the other two. So I have to stand up and make some changes. AMENDS means to change or alter something for the better, NOT apologize! So I have to make changes…period! And when I approach someone to talk about those changes, it needs to begin with my perspective and my way of seeing the situation. And it most often begins with me admitting how I was wrong in my attitude and behaviors toward that person, along with the ways that I am working to change my attitudes and behaviors, specific changes to that situation.

I love this step, as I do all of the steps; because the freedom I receive is also passed along to the person or agency with whom I am making amends. This is where I can really begin to see the give and take and healing of personal and professional and interpersonal relationships. And the rest of the world can see if I am doing what I am saying I am doing on a regular, daily basis.

And I am here to be happy, joyous and free! It is freedom of my spirit I seek…freedom from the hell that is imposed on me by my old ideas and attitudes and behaviors…freedom of my mind to let go of the old shit that never worked anyway…freedom in my heart so I can give and receive love freely and fully!