COURAGE MONTH: DAY 28: “When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” –Buddha
This is IT! I read and read and read this morning to find the perfect quote that I wanted to write about. Some days this is a challenge, other days they jump off the page and say, “Me! Me!”
Today I am in a different kind of space. Spent a really long time on my gratitude practice this morning and had a really interesting meditation. So I was so happy to be getting on with my day. Sometimes I go all judgy around how much time that consumes (like I have somewhere to be at a certain time???) and today was like that.
So I made myself pick up all the leaves in my yard…I do believe autumn is on its way. As I bent over each time, I let out a breath and repeated…what is your hurry? It was funny and made me laugh. A much better start to my day. Then a nice 30-minute yoga practice on my porch…I have such an amazing life! And breakfast and here I am… again, started getting a bit judgy around the time I spend in doing these wonderful things for myself in the morning and how “late” I come to this writing. It was once first thing out of bed for this.
Today is a different routine. I can use the time between breakfast and lunch doing all these wonderful things, no one is here to monitor my life. I am the only judgy one…ugh!
But back to the day…the principle of courage… Step 8… when we begin to dread what is coming next. Do you see the thread? I saw it so powerfully this morning! I still seem to have some “rules” buried in there! OMG! Are you kidding me?
My first time through Steps 8 and 9 was crazy! I had a zillion people on that list and was given such sage and simple wisdom for dealing with all of it. Because I was a black-out drinker, I had a lot of people with no names or identifiers I knew how to locate. They were put on a “later” list. I still ask the group if I speak at a meeting I don’t normally attend or when I do prison panels if there is anyone in the crowd I owe and amends to.
My sponsor at that time told me I could put myself on the list, but never at the top! I did…she told me how to make amends to Kelly…stop lying, stop cheating, stop stealing, stop participating in my insane behavior and blaming others for the bad shit in my life. Oh! Okay…got it. I never put myself on the list again.
BUT, I did begin to recognize those old rules and ideas that would occasionally crop up so I had something to get all “judgy” about myself with. So I examined them when they came up. And they were always rules about behavior, yours or mine, with which I attempted to “rule” life. (control it!)
Well, that shit never, ever works; so I have to examine them when they crop up and be willing to let them go, usually after a good laugh!
And this is the path to finding this most perfect quote today. Being courageous enough to let go of those rules and ideas we made up when we were little kids to make it safe. Or those “rules” we heard and adopted about life that were pure shit to begin with! This takes a lot of courage, because we still somehow believe that these maladaptive skills are working for us.
Truth is, no one really gives a crap what my personal schedule is…but I am convinced that I am late all the time. That there is something lazy in doing things the way I do them, because I am not rushing off to work… do you see? Yikes! It is all way too judgy for me…guess I gotta just LAUGH!
Dolphin Hug 