COURAGE MONTH: DAY 20: It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more “manhood” to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind. –Alex Karras
This quote was in another writing I received today, which has never happened; but it is a great one for this month, so I used it! We are most courageous when we uncover our secret self and dare to be real, to be authentic, to let out our inner feelings and hidden treasures.
Daring to be transparent is something very few of us do in this deal. I have met a couple of people who can go deep enough, revealing themselves to the world, knowing there is no danger, although our minds tell us there is risk and danger at every turn. I call these people my friends. They can go into the scary places to heal their hurts and walk away from their anger and resentment.
There is a big difference between talking about these things and unburying them in healing. We begin by letting go of our pretense and our masks. These keep us locked into old ideas and old behaviors and attitudes. If they had truly protected us, we never would have needed the drugs and the booze. So they are useless, and yet we cling to them like treasure of unimaginable value.
Being authentic allows us to be truly connected with others on a level that has significance and depth. If we are showing our real faces and our real vulnerabilities, others feel safe to do the same. Those who still don’t and won’t will not stick around. They are threatened and uncomfortable with what I love to call full-body living.
We are also kinder and gentler when we come from this space. Our judgments are fewer and we are more likely to be more open and welcoming to others. We can see our own BS and let it go. There is less fear and more love. There is nothing that is lost by letting go of the things that never worked anyway. I am amazed at how tenaciously some of us cling to the things that we think are valuable. I know I have and do as well. It takes me by surprise when I find these things…. then I got to do what I say: “Own what you are shown.”
I want to walk among you all, not ahead of you, but among you. That means I have to find those things that will join us… our common bonds and ways of relating to one another. This is how it happens.
I begin to uncover, discover and discard those things that bring me no joy and cause trouble in the world around me… Step 4 & 5. Then I begin to see my “story” around those things and let them go… Step 6 & 7. And then I get to clean it up because it has hurt my relationships with others… Steps 8 & 9.
When I get to the end of these, I find that most often they were much easier than I believed they could ever have been and that the feeling of release and freedom I receive when I am done is enough to keep me going to the next and the next and the next. And that, for me, is the “toughness” Mr. Karras was speaking about…the way we consistently move into and through this process, over and over.
I love the dedication to these principles that I get when I practice them, especially when I do not want to. There is a momentum, for me, that occurs at the end of every Step that carries me from one into the other. When I am fearless and thorough, I want to keep being fearless and thorough, because the payoff, to me, is better than anything else I have ever done… including the drugs and the booze.
Dolphin Hug 