August 19

COURAGE MONTH: DAY 19: “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” — Winston Churchill

Listening is such a great skill to possess. It is not my biggest asset, but I truly enjoy hearing stories about the lives of other folks. My favorite game to play with a new friend is to ask them about 20-30 random questions about their lives and loves and likes and dislikes. All kinds of crazy things! It is a great way to get to know them.

There are times when we need to speak up about something in life; something that may make us nervous or concerned about who is hearing it and how they will respond. This is scary. I have learned to make notes of what I need to communicate in those situations.

I know how much most of us would rather avoid an uncomfortable conversation with someone we think is not going to like what we have to say to them. And the bridge that connects us to others is damaged when we cannot communicate our feelings. Relationships require honest and candid conversations; not about our opinions of things, but our feelings about things.

If someone has harmed me in some way, I need to talk to them about that. This can be tough. On the other hand, if I have an opinion of what someone is doing, I need to learn to sit with that and let my mouth stay passive and closed. Ugh! This, too, can be hard to practice.

I have learned that not speaking when I need to brings me results that I am not particularly fond of. So I need to have the courage to risk someone’s displeasure to honor myself. And I have learned that speaking my mind without mindfulness about what I need to say is even more damaging to a relationship.

So courage, for me, in these situations, comes from being completely and brutally honest…with myself…and then sharing what I have learned about the situation in a kind and non-threatening or non-confrontational manner. Diplomacy and tact are words that are useful in these situations.

I am quite often lacking in those two skills. I become uncomfortable and can let fear create some nasty attitudes about what I am saying to someone. I have also approached others and had them put up defenses that were impossible to get through, no matter what I needed to communicate.

Learning when and how to be quiet and when and how to speak is the basis for all of my relationships, with those close to me and those just walking around in the world. The simplest things can create a big shift in all of it, I have seen. When I walk down the street with an open expression on my face, hopefully a big smile; people are so much friendlier! And when I walk down the street with an angry, self-consumed face, there are nothing but a—holes wherever I go! I guess this is just another example of how the world reflects back to me those things I am putting out. Oh yeah!