August 10

COURAGE MONTH: DAY 10: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” — Steve Jobs

I wish I had read this quote when I was very young. I did not have this kind of mentor or advice to follow. It has taken a long time and many years of recovery to get to this place, and I am happy for that. This is what I would tell every anxiety-ridden teenager in school…be who YOU are…there is such defiance in working through this lesson.

Anger and resentment were the touchstones for me to begin to honor my own journey. I still get anxious when I have to submit a resume for someone to read…they are judging me, based on information that may not fit within the parameters of what they expect to see or believe is going to be on that page. I find this to be so inaccurate and damaging to our sense of self-worth! I am currently finding new ways of presenting my information to the world that wants to see it summarized on a page of paper.

One of my best presentations was to a group of employers who really got it! Southwest Airlines had such a unique and crazy beginning that they were wide open when it came to how they received information about potential employees. And the whole experience spoke to my spirit and my heart, because I got to be very creative and totally who I was in the process. It is a great story and one that illustrates how the Universe REALLY works in this arena.

Because I am currently seeing some financial insecurity, I have been doing what I have always done in that situation: looking for more work, contemplating a bank robbery, wondering if I can still make money “trading” sexual favors for cash, looking around at my possessions to see if I can sell something, all of my old favorites. I have determined that the only action I can take in this regard is to meditate on those amazing openings that have come into my life over the years since I made a decision for ME not to be in charge.

Oh! So I actually sent out a few resumes…that is always a good way for me to keep busy and out of the way while the Universe sends in Divine Intervention…it is, I believe, a harmless way for me to feel like I am doing some footwork. Resolution is looking very different than this route so far, but it is entertaining to watch!

Anyway, the courage part of this quote is very, very important! And the reason I chose it this morning is the feeling that I get when I see myself on paper. YIKES!!! It is colorful and diverse…the two kindest adjectives for it all…and I know it is not the best way to get to know Kelly. SO, I am working on having the courage to follow my intuition and my heart…which both tell me this is a spiritual, not financial, lesson…AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN…don’t you just love that shit???