COURAGE MONTH: DAY 6: “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ― Ann Landers
Yeah, we have this mythology in our culture of ‘hanging tough’ and applauding those who remain in horrible situations, hoping for change, when nothing is ever going to get any different. We probably all have examples we can think of where this has been a brutal reality for ourselves and others. I know I do. I truly see the courage it takes to walk away from a no-win situation.
I have over-stayed relationships that needed to be done, because I really thought that longevity was the ingredient that made good relationships work. When the other person is devoted to being right and not willing to compromise on things that build bridges to the others’ way of believing, there is no possible relationship to salvage. Better to face these realities and walk away if there is no bridge to understanding and compromise.
Conflict in relationships is not a death sentence, but we certainly need to know when the possibility of healing a broken bridge is present or whether it is not. For me, this takes an outside intervention. I am, of course, a big fan of counseling and therapeutic intervention in relationships where communication has broken down. If the relationship is to be saved, both people have to be willing to step out of their comfort zone and learn to negotiate the contract.
When a partner is not willing, it is time to look at alternatives, because there is nothing to salvage. It means they believe they are right and okay and that the only possible compromise is their way. This is hard and painful, but true. The saddest things in the world are those who are stuck in a relationship with someone who is not willing to grow toward them. I, too have been there.
I have also learned to walk away from those who are not willing to listen to my voice when I need to communicate something important about who I am and what works or does not work for me in the relationship. This has happened for me in the last year and long-term friendships have been altered and broken for me. I don’t want to “hang in there” with people who do not respect my heart or my journey. They insisted on being overly critical in mean ways and I am okay with walking away from that, because they are not authentic friends.
I don’t need to be always right, that would certainly be scary for all of us. I just know that I will honor you and what you believe and allow you to walk the road you are on. I would like the same consideration. If you are that scared of being wrong and needing your opinion to be the only one in the room, then it isn’t going to work for us.
Relationships are fun and interesting and we can share wonderful times together, providing we are allowing each other the space to be who we are and how we are. If we find that there are irreconcilable differences, we need to walk away. Sometimes this is a friendly parting, sometimes not so much. But because I have seen how short life is, I don’t care to spend another minute feeding something that doesn’t feed me back. A tough stance, but my heart is happier alone than in spending time with the wrong person(s).
Dolphin Hug 